Previously Functional Hat — Funny Burnout Dad Cap

Most industrial machinery gets a bright red tag when the gears finally grind to a halt. Humans just get an iced coffee and a Slack message asking for a quick sync. We bypassed the corporate wellness seminar entirely and issued this standard-issue decommissioning notice for your central nervous system. This funny burnout dad hat is not a cry for help; it is a matter of public safety. You used to work. Now you do not.

Designed to resemble a sterile mid-century factory inspection label, this embroidered cap is the most efficient way to communicate that your warranty expired sometime in 2019 and the replacement parts are currently stuck in a global supply chain bottleneck.

• Approved for total systemic failure and structural collapse.
• Do not attempt to reboot wearer with pizza parties or mindfulness apps.
• Factory reset impossible without a time machine and a trust fund.
• Certified structurally unsound for late-stage capitalism.

100% cotton twill with an adjustable strap. Fits most previously functional adult heads comfortably.

Everything is printed to order — your item is made after you buy it. Production takes 2–7 business days, then 3–5 in transit (U.S.) or 10–20 international. Most U.S. orders arrive within 5–12 days, with tracking emailed when it ships.

Returns are accepted for 30 days from delivery — see the refund policy.