Retain Nothing Shirt — Funny Sarcastic Back To School Tee

You have been cleared for re-entry into the Mandatory Reintegration Cycle. This garment has been issued by the Bureau of Compulsory Attendance to confirm your psychological status: compliant, depleted, and ready to absorb information you will not retain past the second Friday of October. Wear it to first period. Let the institution see what it has made.

The Re-Entry Program makes no guarantees regarding the transfer of knowledge, the preservation of will, or the long-term viability of the subject. Attendance is mandatory. Learning is optional. Forgetting is assured. RETAIN NOTHING is not a warning — it is a mission statement, a track record, and an honest assessment of public education delivered in a single deadpan shirt.

• Issued pursuant to Annual Cycle Resumption Protocol 9-through-June
• Subject has demonstrated full compliance with prior forgetting requirements
• This garment does not constitute endorsement of consciousness before 8 a.m.
• The horrors are scheduled. Please consult your homeroom assignment.

Bella+Canvas 3001 unisex jersey tee, retail fit, 4.2 oz/yd² (142 g/m²). 100% Airlume combed and ring-spun cotton. Ribbed knit collar. Tapered shoulders. Dual side seams. Direct-to-garment (DTG) print, front.

Everything is printed to order by our manufacturing partners, mainly in the United States — your item is made after you buy it, then shipped fast with tracking emailed the moment it leaves the printer. Free U.S. shipping on orders $20+.

Production and transit times are published as separate numbers in the shipping policy, so you can check them before you buy.

Returns are accepted for 30 days from delivery — see the refund policy. Questions go to a person, not a ticket robot: contact us.