Student Processing Unit Mug — Funny Dystopian Teacher Gift
- Printed to order in the U.S.
- Tracked to your door
- Free U.S. shipping on orders $20+
- 30-day returns
- A person answers your email
Ships fast, with tracking · Shipping details
Size: 11oz
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About this item
Congratulations. Your unit has been enrolled. Per federal throughput standards, each Student Processing Unit arrives factory-configured with a functional INTAKE port, a calibrated COMPLIANCE MODULE, and AUXILIARY STORAGE rated for 47 lbs of irrelevant worksheets. The diagram is for operator reference only. The smile is pre-installed.
This is not a critique. This is a schematic. Weird Castle Operations reminds you that compulsory processing has maintained a 97% discharge rate since 1852, and that your unit's cooperation is expected. Please ensure your unit arrives lubricated with breakfast and fully charged for six hours of compliance sequencing.
- INTAKE rated for curriculum, pledge of allegiance, and 11:47am pizza rectangle
- COMPLIANCE MODULE inspected quarterly; non-compliance voids warranty
- DISCHARGE velocity subject to bell schedule and federal funding
- Unit happiness is cosmetic and does not affect throughput
- Issued by Weird Castle Operations, Dept. of Juvenile Throughput Management
Ceramic mug. White ceramic. 11oz (0.33 l). Rounded corners. C-handle. Dye-sublimation print.
Shipping & returns
Everything is printed to order by our manufacturing partners, mainly in the United States — your item is made after you buy it, then shipped fast with tracking emailed the moment it leaves the printer. Free U.S. shipping on orders $20+.
Production and transit times are published as separate numbers in the shipping policy, so you can check them before you buy.
Returns are accepted for 30 days from delivery — see the refund policy. Questions go to a person, not a ticket robot: contact us.
