Student Processing Unit Shirt - Funny Dystopian Back to School Tee

Congratulations. Your unit has been enrolled. Per federal throughput standards, each Student Processing Unit arrives factory-configured with a functional INTAKE port, a calibrated COMPLIANCE MODULE, and AUXILIARY STORAGE rated for 47 lbs of irrelevant worksheets. This funny dystopian school shirt is the ideal back-to-school gift for the standardized pupil in your life. Units are processed Monday through Friday and discharged upon reaching minimum viable standardization. The diagram on this classic graphic tee is for operator reference only. The smile is pre-installed.

This is not a critique. This is a schematic. Weird Castle Operations reminds you that compulsory processing has maintained a 97% discharge rate since 1852. Please ensure your unit arrives lubricated with breakfast and wearing this comfortable cotton t-shirt for six hours of compliance sequencing.

• INTAKE rated for curriculum, pledge of allegiance, and 11:47am pizza rectangle
• COMPLIANCE MODULE inspected quarterly; non-compliance voids warranty
• DISCHARGE velocity subject to bell schedule and federal funding
• Unit happiness is cosmetic and does not affect throughput
• Premium unisex graphic tee printed on soft cotton for optimal sensory compliance
• Issued by Weird Castle Operations, Dept. of Juvenile Throughput Management

Everything is printed to order — your item is made after you buy it. Production takes 2–7 business days, then 3–5 in transit (U.S.) or 10–20 international. Most U.S. orders arrive within 5–12 days, with tracking emailed when it ships.

Returns are accepted for 30 days from delivery — see the refund policy.