Pocket Molars — Blanket

Childhood nostalgia is a disease, so here is the cure. You remember the snap-back plastic head, the satisfying mechanical click, and the little chalky brick of sugar. We just swapped out the sugar for the inevitable long-term result of eating it.

A perfectly normal pocket accessory for when you need a quick bicuspid on the go. Watch the light leave your coworker's eyes when you offer them a mid-afternoon refreshment and dispense a startlingly realistic adult molar directly into their open palm.

The Fine Print:

• Does not include gums, nerve endings, or dental records.
• Do not ask where the inventory was sourced.
• Not recognized as legal tender by the Tooth Fairy.
• Chewing on these will void your remaining warranty on life.