Premium Bone Vault Schematics — Hoodie

Why let your metacarpals rot in a damp catacomb when they could be resting in gold-plated, hermetically sealed splendor? This exploded-view schematic hoodie breaks down the ultimate high-net-worth calcium repository, pitched directly from the heavens. Approved by 4 out of 5 martyred saints for maximum posthumous brand visibility, we stripped away the sacred mystery to reveal what a reliquary actually is: luxury Tupperware for holy femurs. Maximize your corpse's retail footprint with this weird goth streetwear staple.

• Includes crystal viewing window for optimal structural flexing
• High-density gold leaf prevents unauthorized miracle leakage
• Bring your own martyr (BYOM)
• Void if bones begin to weep scented oils

Gildan 18500 unisex hooded sweatshirt, classic fit, 8.0 oz/yd² (271 g/m²). 50% cotton, 50% polyester. Pouch pocket. Double-lined hood with color-matched drawcord. Ribbed cuffs and hem. Direct-to-garment (DTG) print, front.

Everything is printed to order by our manufacturing partners, mainly in the United States — your item is made after you buy it, then shipped fast with tracking emailed the moment it leaves the printer. Free U.S. shipping on orders $20+.

Production and transit times are published as separate numbers in the shipping policy, so you can check them before you buy.

Returns are accepted for 30 days from delivery — see the refund policy. Questions go to a person, not a ticket robot: contact us.