This shirt tells the story of a young cub named Coca who couldn’t wait to be king.

It’s a tale of powder, power, and a complete misunderstanding of what Disney actually owns.

Features 3 elegant slashes across the front to symbolize either:

1. Claws

2. Cocaine

3. Cocaine claws

Perfect for family reunions, music festivals, and felony arraignments.

Details:

• Cotton (probably)

• Unisex, emotionally neutral

• Colors: black, white, or whatever’s left after the rave

• Sizes: S–3XL, depending on your hydration level

• Do not machine wash with real lions

Forget cardio.

This tee honors the undisputed king of murderous striding.

Michael Myers doesn’t run.

He walks briskly. With purpose.

And he still catches everyone. Every time.

This shirt is your official entry into the Slasher Olympics, where gold medals are earned in patience, silence, and a borderline-psychotic walking pace.

Stamped with a vintage varsity font and the 1978 release date, this shirt is perfect for horror fans, speed walkers, and dudes who haven’t blinked since the Carter administration.

Put it on. Start walking.

Never stop.

Product Details:

• 100% pre-shrunk cotton — breathable enough for a long walk home from Haddonfield

• Vintage black tee with bold white print

• Fits true to size unless you’re being chased

• Printed with dark energy in the USA

• Sizes S to 5XL, because evil has no limits

• Machine washable — won’t scream in the dryer

• Warning: Wearing this shirt may cause strangers to lock their doors

Ever wish your home office looked more like a DEA crime scene? Well now it can.

Introducing a 40-piece sticker set of little fake cocaine baggies designed to get you kicked out of every family gathering and corporate job you still have. These ultra-realistic decals scream, “He’s going through something.”

Stick them to your desk, your bathroom mirror, your car dash, or just scatter them across the floor and wait for the awkward silence.

Whether you’re a prank god or just deeply unwell, this set is here to take your downward spiral to new decorative heights.

Details

– 40 fake blow baggie stickers

– Each one disturbingly realistic

– The perfect gift for enemies, exes, or yourself

– Guaranteed to spark a conversation with HR

– Not real drugs, but your landlord doesn’t know that

You’re not misunderstood. You’re just mean—and we respect that. This shirt is for the brutally honest, the chronically sarcastic, and the emotionally unavailable. 

Perfect for anyone who’s ever said “just kidding” with the cold dead eyes of someone who absolutely wasn’t. Printed in clinical Helvetica red so there’s no confusion. Or eye contact.

Details

• Unisex fit for maximum interpersonal damage

• 100% cotton, 0% accountability

• Small text, big warning

• Does not come with a court-ordered apology

Some call it a routine. You call it survival.

The AM/PM Slippers are your new emotional support system: one embroidered with a steaming cup of ambition, the other with a wine glass of surrender. Together, they represent the duality of modern womanhood — power in the morning, chaos at night.

Soft as sin and lined with sherpa fleece, these lavender bad decisions keep your feet warm through every hangover, deadline, and delusional manifestation session. Perfect for moms, best friends, or anyone who’s ever said “I deserve this” before pouring a second glass.

Morning motivation. Evening sedation. Same slippers.

Details

• Plush fleece lining – soft enough to make you forget your to-do list
• Non-slip sole – because your balance already left hours ago
• “AM” coffee cup + “PM” wine glass embroidery for full-day dysfunction
• Machine washable – like your dignity, if only that were true
• Available in multiple sizes – because burnout is universal

This isn’t just a case — it’s a cry for help that fits in your pocket. Modeled after everyone’s favorite vending machine therapy drink, this soft silicone masterpiece lets the world know you still believe in $0.99 happiness.

Keeps your AirPods safe. Keeps your aesthetic unstable. Your therapist might not get it, but your friends at Weird Castle do.

Details

– Compatible with AirPods 1st and 2nd gen

– Soft-touch silicone with full-body protection

– Precise cutouts for charging, ignoring calls

– Built-in loop for keychains, stress balls, or bad decisions

– Not officially licensed (but deeply respected)

Do not fear the man who wears 10,000 T-shirts. Fear the man who wears one T-shirt… and it’s this one.

The “Ask Me About My Ninja Disguise” shirt is a stealthy masterclass in deception, confusion, and physical comedy. Designed for maximum dad energy, birthday-party chaos, or a completely uncalled-for trip to Home Depot. 

Perfect for when you want strangers to know you’re mysterious, but also kind of approachable.

Lift the shirt. Become the ninja. Return to your normal suburban life like nothing happened.

Details

• Material: Cotton (for silent movement)

• Print: Hidden ninja mask inside the shirt (you know what to do)

• Fit: True to size unless you’re trying to bulk for stealth

• Sizing: Adult and kid options available for intergenerational stealth operations

• Wash instructions: Cold wash. Hang dry. Disappear.