Description
You didn’t just read about history — you bayoneted it into existence. The Civil War Veteran Hat is for the forgotten founders, the men who shaped America and now can’t even get a free coffee at Denny’s. Wear it and demand the salute you’re owed.

Features

• Union blue corduroy (basically black — history fades fast)

• Patch with crossed rifles + “Civil War Veteran” text

• “Proudly Served” embroidered into the brim

• Battle bars of… let’s call it “creative accuracy”

• Brass-adjustable faux leather strap

• Weird Castle insignia stitched into the side

• Limited stock — ships immediately

Specifications

• Product Type: Embroidered corduroy cap

• Material: 100% corduroy front & brim

• Fit: One size fits most (adjustable brass clasp)

• Embroidery: Front patch + brim text

• Extras: Faux battle bars + Weird Castle insignia

• Care: Spot clean only

• Origin: Assembled in USA from globally sourced parts

Divided we fall. And this hat makes sure you look good doing it.

The Civil War 2 Veteran Cap isn’t North vs. South — it’s everyone vs. everyone. Boomer vs. Zoomer, Left vs. Farther Left, Costco vs. Walmart.

It doesn’t pick sides. It just crowns the chaos.

Features

• Premium black corduroy — tougher than your uncle’s Facebook feed

• Embroidered “GG AMERICA” + “FUTURE VETERAN”

• Fake valor ribbons + eagle badge for maximum delusion

• Adjustable strap, one size fits most

• Limited run — ships fast, collapses faster

Specifications

• Type: Corduroy/mesh trucker cap

• Material: 100% corduroy front, poly blend back

• Fit: One size fits most (adjustable strap)

• Embroidery: Front text + patch details

• Extras: Faux military ribbons & eagle emblem

• Care: Spot clean only

• Origin: Assembled in USA from globally sourced parts

Finally, a sweater that screams “Christmas” and “unhinged gym bro” at the same time.

This isn’t just ugly — it’s aggressively festive. A jacked holiday cat shooting lasers from its eyes while lifting red barbells in front of a Christmas tree? That’s not a print. That’s prophecy.

Wear it loud. Wear it tight.

And don’t skip chest day.

Details

• Full 3D sublimation print – zero chill, full visual assault
• Laser eyes. Barbell. Gifts. Trees. Chaos.
• Polyester/spandex blend – stretchy enough for gains, soft enough for naps
• Crewneck, long sleeve, unisex fit
• Ideal for ugly sweater contests, Christmas raves, or starting fights at Kohl’s
• Can and will distract children and powerlifters alike

This is not a cute outfit. This is a disclosure garment.

Trump said Tylenol causes autism. Your mom took Tylenol. The result? You.

Now the world doesn’t have to guess. With this onesie, you are immediately identified as a Tylenol Baby—no paperwork, no awkward pediatric conversations, no confusion at the daycare drop-off.

It’s not just clothing—it’s a compliance tool for social interaction.

Everyone who sees it knows:

• This baby requires patience.

• This baby’s brain development may not meet federal guidelines.

• This baby came with a warning label, and you’re looking at it.

Description:
History doesn’t have to cost full price.
The Civil War Veteran: Budget Edition Hat is your clearance-rack salute to the fallen, stitched for laughs and lightweight wallets alike. It’s got the same ironic valor as the premium model, just without the luxury markup.

Wear it to family cookouts, awkward history debates, or while explaining that, no, you weren’t actually there. Heritage on a discount. Patriotism on Velcro®.

Details:

• 100% Cotton Twill (sturdy enough for reenactments, light enough for denial)

• Structured, low-fitting profile for that “draft dodger chic” look

• Adjustable Velcro® closure — freedom to resize as the Union intended

Description
When history hands you incompetence, put it on a trucker hat.

The Rooftop Rookies Hat is a satirical nod to July 13th, 2024 — the day a “slope too steep” became the excuse heard ’round the world. Equal parts dark humor and wearable commentary, this cap immortalizes the rooftop that wasn’t guarded, the excuse that broke the internet, and the chaos that followed.

For anyone who thinks “safety concerns about a slope” belongs in the National Comedy Archive. Wear it loud, wear it proud — the slope is eternal.

Features
🧢 100% polyester foam front & nylon mesh back
🔒 Adjustable plastic snap closure (one size fits most, 22.8"/58cm)
🪡 Six-row stitching on visor for that “officially unserious” look
🎨 Seven color combos available
📦 Creases disappear once worn (like government accountability)

Specifications
Product Type: Trucker Hat
Material: Polyester foam front, nylon mesh back
Size: One size fits most (adjustable)
Closure: Plastic snapback
Colors: 7 combinations
Care: Spot clean only

This isn’t a joke. It’s a legal workaround with sleeves.

The lawyers said we couldn’t print the name of the painkiller that allegedly affects brain development—so we didn’t. We simply admitted to taking something, and left the rest to your imagination (and your search history).

This shirt does all the talking for you. It’s your silent, legally compliant cry for patience. When you walk into a room, everyone already knows:

• You took something.

• It was name-brand.

• And it may have changed you forever.

Think of it as a court-approved confession in cotton.
Not merch. Not fashion. A compliance garment for the chemically altered.