This is not a cute outfit. This is a disclosure garment.

Trump said Tylenol causes autism. Your mom took Tylenol. The result? You.

Now the world doesn’t have to guess. With this onesie, you are immediately identified as a Tylenol Baby—no paperwork, no awkward pediatric conversations, no confusion at the daycare drop-off.

It’s not just clothing—it’s a compliance tool for social interaction.

Everyone who sees it knows:

• This baby requires patience.

• This baby’s brain development may not meet federal guidelines.

• This baby came with a warning label, and you’re looking at it.

Description
For the sinner on a schedule. Every cigarette drags you 11 minutes closer to the pearly gates — or straight past them, coughing in style.

Features

• 100% cotton (won’t melt if you descend the other way)

• Loose fit for optimal lung expansion (or collapse)

• Conversation starter… and ender

• Perfect gag gift for quitters, smokers, or holy rollers

• Works as a warning, punchline, or spiritual icebreaker

Specifications

• Fabric: Cotton

• Colors: Black, White, Gray

• Sizes: XS–XXXL

• Sleeve: Regular short sleeve

• Fit: Loose pullover

• Style: Casual unisex

• Print: High-quality graphic

• Thickness: Standard

You survived the Civil War. Or at least, that's what this hat tells people. Same fake valor as our Limited Edition — just without the bougie corduroy. Because heroism shouldn't require a premium fabric budget.

The Civil War Veteran Hat (Budget Valor Edition) is for the patriot who wants to claim service from 1861–1865 without spending 1861–1865 cents. It's printed, it's structured, and it says “CIVIL WAR VETERAN” right on the front so nobody has to ask follow-up questions you can't answer.

Features

• 100% cotton twill — the fabric of democracy (and clearance racks)
• “CIVIL WAR VETERAN” front print — conversation starter, history ender
• Structured low-profile fit — sits low so you can keep a low profile about your fake service record
• Adjustable velcro closure — one size fits all heads, even ones full of made-up war stories
• Printed via DTG — modern technology honoring an ancient lie

Specifications

• Material: 100% Cotton Twill
• Closure: Adjustable Velcro strap
• Profile: Structured, low-fitting
• Print method: Direct-to-garment (DTG)
• Fulfillment: Print-on-demand via Printify

What You’re Getting

A hat that says you fought in America's bloodiest conflict — at America's friendliest price point. Wear it to cookouts, family reunions, or anywhere people take hats at face value. Which is everywhere.

Returns + Exchanges

We accept returns within 30 days. Hat must be unworn and in original condition. Fake military credentials are non-refundable — those are yours forever.

Description
When history hands you incompetence, put it on a trucker hat.

The Rooftop Rookies Hat is a satirical nod to July 13th, 2024 — the day a “slope too steep” became the excuse heard ’round the world. Equal parts dark humor and wearable commentary, this cap immortalizes the rooftop that wasn’t guarded, the excuse that broke the internet, and the chaos that followed.

For anyone who thinks “safety concerns about a slope” belongs in the National Comedy Archive. Wear it loud, wear it proud — the slope is eternal.

Features
🧢 100% polyester foam front & nylon mesh back
🔒 Adjustable plastic snap closure (one size fits most, 22.8"/58cm)
🪡 Six-row stitching on visor for that “officially unserious” look
🎨 Seven color combos available
📦 Creases disappear once worn (like government accountability)

Specifications
Product Type: Trucker Hat
Material: Polyester foam front, nylon mesh back
Size: One size fits most (adjustable)
Closure: Plastic snapback
Colors: 7 combinations
Care: Spot clean only

For those of us running on vibes, caffeine, and a single waffle from this morning—this hat gets it.

Sleepy and Hungry. That’s the entire personality. That’s the entire mood. Embroidered in chaotic toddler crayon font so no one questions your mental bandwidth.

Wear it on a walk. Wear it to brunch. Wear it while crying in your car in the Taco Bell drive-thru. It works.

Product Details:

• ☀️ Sunshade mode: activated

•  Breathable for your last 3 remaining brain cells

•  Colorful embroidered letters (your hat’s louder than your coping mechanisms)

•  Dome-style crown with curved bill

•  Fabric: Soft-touch polyester

•  Size: One size fits all (we tested on a large grapefruit and an anxious uncle)

•  Unisex fit

•  Available in Beige, Black, Navy, Green, Pink, and Khaki

A hat for women who believe in gender roles — specifically, the one where he pays.

The Put It On My Husband’s Tab Hat is a red-and-white statement piece that says “I don’t check prices, I check vibes.” Perfect for date nights, brunches, and budget meetings you don’t plan on attending.

It’s bold. It’s bratty. It’s the modern-day dowry — embroidered in retro lettering and powered by financial delusion. Wear it to let everyone know your man handles the bill while you handle the attention.

Whether you’re married, divorced, or just emotionally sponsored, this hat works harder than your credit card ever will.

Details

• Classic two-tone trucker style – breathable mesh for high-limit lifestyles
• Adjustable snapback – fits most heads and all financial dependencies
• Embroidered “PUT IT ON MY HUSBAND’S TAB” text – loud, proud, and tax-deductible (probably)
• Made from polyester and poor impulse control
• Lightweight design – for when you’re carrying emotional baggage, not financial

Give the gift of panic.

The Toilet Meadow Prank Box is designed to convince your friends that you’ve gone full eco-psychotic — because nothing says “I love you” like pretending you bought them a grass-covered toilet seat.

From the makers of “Please Don’t Read the Fine Print,” this fake packaging masterpiece promises six pre-seeded, organic bathroom seat covers that “grow up to 1 inch in under a week.” The result? Pure horror, followed by relief, followed by distrust that will last a lifetime.

Perfect for birthdays, holidays, or anytime someone in your life gets too comfortable. Wrap your real gift inside, and watch as your loved one rethinks your relationship — in real time.

Because laughter is temporary. Regret is forever.

Details

• Fake retail box – looks painfully real, feels emotionally damaging
• Standard gift box size – fits your real gift inside
• High-resolution print – because detail makes deception beautiful
• Reusable for future betrayals
• No grass included (thank God)