This isn’t a novelty shirt. It’s personal disclosure protocol, issued for the safety of those around you.

Trump said Tilenal causes autism. Whether that’s science or stand-up, one truth remains: you took it. And now you live to tell the tale—loudly, and in 100% cotton.

With this tee, there’s no confusion at the DMV, workplace, or family function. The message is clear, immediate, and medically unreviewed:

• You took Tilenal.

• Your brain development may have been crafted on a shoestring budget.

• Patience isn’t kindness—it’s treatment.

Think of it as a prescription label you can sweat through.
You’re not hiding. You’re broadcasting.

You ever been abducted by a UFO mid-therapy breakthrough while cross-legged in a field of unresolved issues? You have now.

This shirt is for the girlies, the goblins, and the fully boned-out husks of humanity who turned their childhood trauma into tight five stand-up sets and a vape addiction.

She’s not coping. She’s content.

He’s not okay. He’s got a rainbow beam in his soul and a sarcastic tone in his bones.

You wear this and you become unemployably hilarious.

• Skeleton? Check.

• Alien tractor beam? Check.

• Rainbow portal to your inner pain-clown? Double check.

Perfect for:

• Late-night overshares

• Making therapists laugh

• Laughing at the void

• Looking hot while spiraling

Details:

• 100% cotton, won’t dissolve in your tears

• Unisex fit, because everyone’s broken

• Screen printed graphic (like a sticker on your trauma)

• Runs true to size. Emotionally? Who’s to say.

A love letter to your childhood… and your lower back pain.

This warped OG controller is pushing a walker but still pressing start. Call it nostalgia, call it denial — either way, it’s limping to the high score screen with arthritis and attitude.

Wear it loud if your favorite hobby is telling kids the game was harder “back then.”

Details :

• Printed graphic of a vintage video game controller using a walker

• 100% combed cotton

• Classic crew neck

• Soft-touch screen print

• Fits true to size unless you’re old, in which case everything’s a little tighter than it used to be

Embroidery loud. Ambition low. The Do Nothing Club Hat is your official uniform for giving up—in style. Featuring blood-red lettering and a lonely palm tree that screams “I’m emotionally on vacation,” this hat is ideal for beach bums, burnout victims, fake retirees, and anyone who’s simply out of spoons.

Sun-shading? Yes. Life-affirming? Maybe. Productivity-enhancing? Absolutely not.

Join the club. Or don’t. We literally don’t care.

Details

• 100% cotton, breathable and judgment-free

• Machine embroidery, so the laziness lasts forever

• Adjustable strap – one size fits all who’ve given up

• Available in black, khaki, or white (if you’re feeling ironic)

• Ideal for vacations, mental breakdowns, and slow walks to nowhere

This is what happens when you go a little too goofy.

One minute you’re being a little silly… the next, you’re in a government-funded laugh facility.

This shirt is a cautionary tale, a confession, and a threat.

Printed in HD on soft “milk silk” that feels like you’re being gently restrained by a cloud.

• Unisex fit for emotionally unstable boys and girls

• Short sleeve

• Sillycore approved

• Limited release from Weird Castle

Wear it when you’re not legally allowed to be funny anymore.

Remember when they told you to stay drug-free? Well, they were right — but not for the reasons they thought.

This shirt is a financial PSA. Inflation hits everything, including your dealer.

Wear this to your next cookout, court date, or high school reunion.

• Retro anti-drug parody shirt
• 95% polyester, 5% spandex = stretchy truth fabric
• Short sleeve, unisex fit
• Position-printed graphic for maximum wallet pain visibility
• Party-friendly, wallet-unfriendly
  
  

Warning: May trigger old health teachers and bankrupt drug dealers.