You’ve tried adulting. It didn’t take.

So slip into these Cloud Cluster Bubble Slides — the footwear equivalent of a Xanax bubble bath. Each sole looks like it was designed by a cartoon therapist who said, “Let’s heal through nonsense.”

They’re absurdly soft, scientifically unserious, and come decorated with random charms that scream “I’m fine” in six different fonts. Perfect for padding around your apartment like a clinically cozy deity or confronting life’s failures one squishy step at a time.

These slides don’t just support your feet — they support your decision to stop pretending you’re okay.

Details

• Soft EVA lychee-texture foam – light, bouncy, and anti-responsibility
• Bubble-cluster sole for unmatched comfort and passive-aggressive joy
• Includes assorted cartoon charms – because therapy’s expensive
• Slip-on design – no laces, no effort, no problems
• Unisex fit – sized for all genders and all levels of existential fatigue

You’ve tried adulting. It didn’t take.

So slip into these Cloud Cluster Bubble Slides — the footwear equivalent of a Xanax bubble bath. Each sole looks like it was designed by a cartoon therapist who said, “Let’s heal through nonsense.”

They’re absurdly soft, scientifically unserious, and come decorated with random charms that scream “I’m fine” in six different fonts. Perfect for padding around your apartment like a clinically cozy deity or confronting life’s failures one squishy step at a time.

These slides don’t just support your feet — they support your decision to stop pretending you’re okay.

Details

• Soft EVA lychee-texture foam – light, bouncy, and anti-responsibility
• Bubble-cluster sole for unmatched comfort and passive-aggressive joy
• Includes assorted cartoon charms – because therapy’s expensive
• Slip-on design – no laces, no effort, no problems
• Unisex fit – sized for all genders and all levels of existential fatigue

There’s self-care — and then there’s this.

The Fuck This Shit Morse Code Bracelet is a wearable meltdown in dot-and-dash form. Each bead spells out your emotional limit in secret code, so you can look composed while spiritually throwing your laptop out a window.

Elegant enough for brunch, honest enough for burnout, it’s the quietest way to say “I’m done” without losing your job or your freedom. Whether it’s for your best friend, your therapist, or your reflection, this bracelet delivers the message loud and passive-aggressive.

You’re not accessorizing.

You’re broadcasting a cry for help in Morse code.

Details

• Hidden Morse code message: FUCK THIS SHIT
• Adjustable fit — one size fits all, rage included
• Minimalist bead design, handcrafted with barely controlled fury
• Subtle enough for work, strong enough for breakdowns
• Genderless design — burnout doesn’t discriminate

Somewhere in a basement far, far away…

A man in this shirt just whispered “pew pew pew” at his reflection — and felt powerful.

Introducing the Pew Pew Wars Long Sleeve, forged in the fires of fandom and mild social anxiety. Perfect for the sci-fi obsessed, the cosplay curious, or anyone who’s ever corrected someone on lightsaber lore unprovoked.

The print screams galactic supremacy, the fit says midlife rebellion, and the overall vibe is “I could’ve been an engineer if I didn’t start a podcast.”

Wear it to the next convention, date, or awkward family dinner where you must once again explain why the prequels were misunderstood masterpieces.

You’re not wearing a shirt — you’re wearing a disturbance in the drip.

Details

• 100% cotton – breathable enough to survive Tatooine heat or your mom’s basement
• Classic black long sleeve – hides both sweat and shame
• Printed “PEW PEW” logo – perfect for ironic confidence or unironic delusion
• Unisex fit – ideal for geeks, freaks, and anyone strong with the cringe
• Soft as a Wookiee’s hug, durable as your commitment to the bit

Ever wanted to rest your drink on a dismembered brain?

Now you can — ten times over.

This 3D Brain Slice Coaster Set is a museum of madness disguised as home decor. Each acrylic slice features disturbingly realistic brain anatomy, perfect for neuroscientists, med students, or anyone whose idea of a party trick involves saying “actually, that’s the prefrontal cortex.”

Whether you’re sipping whiskey while pondering existence or just trying to keep your IKEA table dry, these coasters scream I contain multitudes — and possibly intrusive thoughts.

Details

• Set of 10 transparent acrylic coasters – each one a different slice of the human mind
• Printed anatomical detail that’ll make guests question your profession and your sanity
• Rubber backing keeps it steady during existential crises
• Hand wash only – brains don’t do well in microwaves
• Average shipping time: 7–10 days
• Dimensions: roughly 3.5” x 3.5” (aka “just big enough for your bad decisions”)

Ever wish your home office looked more like a DEA crime scene? Well now it can.

Introducing a 40-piece sticker set of little fake cocaine baggies designed to get you kicked out of every family gathering and corporate job you still have. These ultra-realistic decals scream, “He’s going through something.”

Stick them to your desk, your bathroom mirror, your car dash, or just scatter them across the floor and wait for the awkward silence.

Whether you’re a prank god or just deeply unwell, this set is here to take your downward spiral to new decorative heights.

Details

– 40 fake blow baggie stickers

– Each one disturbingly realistic

– The perfect gift for enemies, exes, or yourself

– Guaranteed to spark a conversation with HR

– Not real drugs, but your landlord doesn’t know that

Wrap your love in a jar and give him something to think about for the rest of his therapy sessions.

This disturbingly clinical container of liquid-less mystery comes in a premium “I hate myself” gift box, complete with wipes (because of course it does).

The JIZZ JAR™ is the last thing anyone wants and somehow exactly what they deserve.

Give it to your boyfriend. Give it to your dad. Give it to your boss if you’re trying to get fired creatively.

Details

– 14 FL. OZ. jar of emotional scarring

– Includes “bonus” wipes you’ll never emotionally recover from

– Packaged in a classy gift box designed to get you disinvited from Thanksgiving

– Non-toxic. Probably.

– Proudly made for degenerates