You served. You fought. You were definitely alive in 1863. This hat says so, and nobody can prove otherwise.

The Civil War Veteran Hat is for anyone who’s ever wanted a “thank you for your service” without all the pesky enlisting. Union blue corduroy, a crossed-rifles patch, and “Proudly Served” stitched right on the brim — because subtlety died at Antietam.

Wear it to the grocery store. Wear it to family dinner. Accept the confused salutes. You’ve earned absolutely nothing, and this hat celebrates that.

Features

• Premium union blue corduroy — the fabric of fake patriots
• Embroidered crossed-rifles patch with “Civil War Veteran” crest
• “Proudly Served” stitched on the brim, in case anyone doubts you
• Brass-adjustable faux leather strap — because even fake veterans deserve real comfort
• Weird Castle insignia on the back — proof this is satire (legally important)

Specifications

• Type: Structured corduroy cap
• Material: 100% corduroy, faux leather strap
• Fit: One size fits most (adjustable brass buckle)
• Embroidery: Front patch + brim text
• Care: Spot clean only
• Origin: Handmade in the USA

What You’re Getting

This isn’t a costume. It’s a handmade, limited-edition hat with a joke sewn into every stitch. Premium materials, real craftsmanship, and a conversation starter that writes itself.

Returns + Exchanges

We accept returns and exchanges within 30 days of delivery. Items must be unworn, unwashed, and still capable of starting arguments. If something’s off, email us with your order number and we’ll make it right.

America’s most anticipated sequel hasn’t dropped yet, but you already served. This hat says “Future Veteran” because you’ve been pre-deployed since your last family group chat.

The Civil War 2 Veteran Hat doesn’t pick sides — it crowns the chaos. Black corduroy, embroidered “GG AMERICA,” faux valor ribbons, and an eagle badge for maximum unearned distinction. You haven’t done anything yet, and it already shows.

Wear it to the cookout. Wear it to the comments section. Salute yourself in the mirror. The sequel hasn’t started, but your merch is ready.

Features

• Premium black corduroy — tougher than your uncle’s Facebook feed
• Embroidered “GG AMERICA” + “FUTURE VETERAN”
• Fake valor ribbons + eagle badge for maximum delusion
• Adjustable strap, one size fits most
• Limited run — ships fast, collapses faster

Specifications

• Type: Corduroy/mesh trucker cap
• Material: 100% corduroy front, poly blend back
• Fit: One size fits most (adjustable strap)
• Embroidery: Front text + patch details
• Extras: Faux military ribbons & eagle emblem
• Care: Spot clean only
• Origin: Handmade in the USA

What You’re Getting

You’re not buying a joke — you’re buying a well-made hat with a joke on it. Quality that won’t make you question your life choices.

Returns + Exchanges

We accept returns and exchanges within 30 days of delivery. Items must be unworn, unwashed, and still capable of starting arguments. If something’s off, email us with your order number and we’ll make it right.

Not a request. A lifestyle.

This hat doesn’t ask for attention — it demands evidence. Whether you’re yelling it from the back of a lifted truck or whispering it to the mirror in a Bass Pro parking lot, this red-white classic sends one clear message: you didn’t come here to make friends.

You came here to make eye contact… and ruin it.

Details

• Bold all-caps black lettering – zero interpretation required
• Foam-padded white front panel – for full frontal visibility
• Red mesh trucker back – breathable for intense situations
• Curved brim – aerodynamic when thrown from a moving boat
• Adjustable snapback – fits all head sizes, few social settings
• Pairs well with jean shorts, beer breath, and zero shame

Promoted against your will.

This hat isn’t just a vibe — it’s a title you didn’t ask for but definitely earned. Whether you’re managing a chaotic friend group, a doomed startup, or just your own emotional spiral, this washed blue disasterpiece is your uniform.

The world’s on fire. You’re on break.

Details

• Vintage-washed blue cotton – looks like you’ve been through something (you have)
• Embroidered text – no one can say they weren’t warned
• Curved brim – for shielding yourself from accountability
• Unstructured fit – like your work-life balance
• Adjustable strapback – because the disaster scales
• Includes zero actual authority

The hat you wear when words aren’t enough.

When you’ve already tried facts.

When you’ve already said, “Hey man, that’s a pyramid scheme.”

This hat is your final resort.

You put it on.

You look them in the eye.

You say nothing.

Let the hat do the work.

If they know, they know.

If they don’t… you’ve confirmed it.

DETAILS

• 100% cotton, zero Kool-Aid

• Adjustable strap: fits heads swollen with denial

• Bright red: legally distinct from that one other hat

• Engineered for family barbecues, Facebook arguments, and group chats you’ll be removed from

• Ships in a plain box. For safety.

You survived the Civil War. Or at least, that's what this hat tells people. Same fake valor as our Limited Edition — just without the bougie corduroy. Because heroism shouldn't require a premium fabric budget.

The Civil War Veteran Hat (Budget Valor Edition) is for the patriot who wants to claim service from 1861–1865 without spending 1861–1865 cents. It's printed, it's structured, and it says “CIVIL WAR VETERAN” right on the front so nobody has to ask follow-up questions you can't answer.

Features

• 100% cotton twill — the fabric of democracy (and clearance racks)
• “CIVIL WAR VETERAN” front print — conversation starter, history ender
• Structured low-profile fit — sits low so you can keep a low profile about your fake service record
• Adjustable velcro closure — one size fits all heads, even ones full of made-up war stories
• Printed via DTG — modern technology honoring an ancient lie

Specifications

• Material: 100% Cotton Twill
• Closure: Adjustable Velcro strap
• Profile: Structured, low-fitting
• Print method: Direct-to-garment (DTG)
• Fulfillment: Print-on-demand via Printify

What You’re Getting

A hat that says you fought in America's bloodiest conflict — at America's friendliest price point. Wear it to cookouts, family reunions, or anywhere people take hats at face value. Which is everywhere.

Returns + Exchanges

We accept returns within 30 days. Hat must be unworn and in original condition. Fake military credentials are non-refundable — those are yours forever.

Description
When history hands you incompetence, put it on a trucker hat.

The Rooftop Rookies Hat is a satirical nod to July 13th, 2024 — the day a “slope too steep” became the excuse heard ’round the world. Equal parts dark humor and wearable commentary, this cap immortalizes the rooftop that wasn’t guarded, the excuse that broke the internet, and the chaos that followed.

For anyone who thinks “safety concerns about a slope” belongs in the National Comedy Archive. Wear it loud, wear it proud — the slope is eternal.

Features
🧢 100% polyester foam front & nylon mesh back
🔒 Adjustable plastic snap closure (one size fits most, 22.8"/58cm)
🪡 Six-row stitching on visor for that “officially unserious” look
🎨 Seven color combos available
📦 Creases disappear once worn (like government accountability)

Specifications
Product Type: Trucker Hat
Material: Polyester foam front, nylon mesh back
Size: One size fits most (adjustable)
Closure: Plastic snapback
Colors: 7 combinations
Care: Spot clean only