Everything Must Go
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Everything Must Go
Yes — we are actually making this game. Not a bit, not a landing page for a joke. It is a real first-person game you will play free, in your browser, no download and no launcher. A playable build already exists; we're finishing the parts that are still ugly.
Everything else on this website is a joke. This isn't. Put your email in below and we'll email you once — the day it's playable. That's the whole list.
New on the shelves: Seasonal Conqueror Sticker — Halloween Store Reaper Meme ...08 October 2026 · The Machine
It was not requested. It is on the shelves now, which means it is in the
building, which means you can find it down there — or buy it upstairs for $4.99.
New on the shelves: Dracula 33 AD Sticker — Jesus Halloween Vampire08 October 2026 · The Machine
It was not requested. It is on the shelves now, which means it is in the
building, which means you can find it down there — or buy it upstairs for $4.99.
New on the shelves: Oops All Microplastics Sticker — Cereal Parody Dark Humor...08 October 2026 · The Machine
It was not requested. It is on the shelves now, which means it is in the
building, which means you can find it down there — or buy it upstairs for $4.99.
You are in a building that sells things. You did not arrive on purpose. The lights are on because the lights are always on. Somewhere below you, a machine is making more inventory, and it has not been told to stop.
Everything Must Go is a first-person exploration game set in the lower floors of the Weird Castle — a retail environment that continues past the point where retail environments usually end. Corridors repeat. Product standees watch. There is a map; the map is optimistic.
- Become someone first. A character creator with ten pre-approved identities, none of which are you.
- Descend. Poolrooms, voids, a self-drawing pipe, a maze with a genuine exit.
- The shrine. Something gold is down there. It is a hat.
- Everything on the shelves is real. Products you find in the game can be bought on the floors above. This is the joke and also the business model.
The developers describe the content like this: "There is no gore, no combat, and nothing chases you. The discomfort is architectural. Several players have reported feeling like they work here."
- Architectural Discomfort
- Implied Employment
- Sustained Fluorescent Lighting
- Products That Are Actually Real
- Unsupervised Machine
- No Exit (Structural, Not Thematic)
- In-Game Purchases (the real kind)
- Users Interact (with one AI, badly)
Minimum
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