Keys to the Castle
The castle's club for people who bring their friends to the castle. Friends come in. Keys add up. The chart pays out.
Bring friends to the castle. Collect keys.
You get a personal code. You hand it to a friend. They get 10% off one order — the same 10% the front door offers anyone, so your friendship is not being resold as a discount funnel. When their order is placed and paid, you have collected a key, and the reward chart below is in effect.
The castle does not pay out on signups. The castle has seen what people do with signups.
Friend price: 10% off one order · one per person · never expiresTHE REWARD CHART
Like the one on the wall by the registers. Every number on it is real.
1 KEY
One item from The Vault Shelf, free.
The shelf holds stickers. It is a small shelf. It is a real shelf. See The Vault Shelf.
3 KEYS
$15 off.
A personal code, spendable on one order. Cash-adjacent. The castle does not do cash.
5 KEYS
$79.99 off — a hoodie, on the house — and the title “Keys to the Castle.”
A personal code for $79.99 off one order, good for 90 days — the price of a hoodie, spent how you like. The title is a real title. Chet will acknowledge it.
The rules of the chart
- A key is collected when a friend’s paid order used your code. Not when anyone signs up for anything. Signups do not count. Payment counts.
- Your own orders never count. Handing your own code to yourself is not a friendship. The castle checks the order’s email against yours.
- Each row on the chart pays exactly once. The castle keeps records. The records are the whole personality of the castle.
- Rewards arrive by email as personal codes beginning VAULT-. The free-item codes work on The Vault Shelf collection, one item per code.
- The castle reads the ledgers once a day, around 12:30 UTC. Orders are reviewed and rewards mailed on that daily pass. Not instantly. The castle is thorough, not fast.
Chet
“I was assigned the mascot role. Stores like this are supposed to have a tall, friendly animal standing near the door, so the costume is a giraffe. I have notes on the costume. The neck is structural and does not bend, which means I cannot look down at a child, only slightly past them. I stand by the reward chart and I point at it. Management reports that the pointing is working.”
Cut your key
An email the castle can reach. Your code is cut immediately and shown here. Asking again returns the same key — the castle keeps records.
