Description
This isn’t just a pump cover — it’s a life philosophy.

When your deadlift PR is higher than your taxable income, you’ve entered a new bracket: the Department of Swolenomics. Built for max reps and minimal audits, this shirt features a jacked demigod flanked by flaming Benjamins and a fiscal policy your CPA won’t endorse.

Whether you’re skipping leg day or your W-2, make a statement in breathable cotton that screams limited liability.

Perfect For

• Gym bros with offshore accounts

• Libertarians with creatine habits

• Anyone who considers filing taxes a personality flaw

Details

• Fabric: 100% breathable cotton, untraceable by IRS scanners

• Fit: Loose enough for bulking, tight enough for flexing

• Design: Jacked demigod + flaming Benjamins

• Colors: 9 corruptible shades (consult your accountant, or don’t)

• Sizes: S–XXXL (all equally suspicious)

Dead. Gay. Armed.

Finally, a shirt for people who wake up every morning and say “I love my country, my boyfriend, and the thrill of eternal damnation.”

Features the grim reaper holding two handguns like he just shot up the comment section of a men’s mental health video. Behind him: rage. Inside him: desire. Across the chest: truth.

This shirt is not for everyone. It’s for that one guy in your group chat who disappeared in 2019 and came back with a face tattoo and an Etsy store.

Wear it to:

• Ruin family photos

• Get kicked out of jury duty

• Come out at a gun show

• Win a fight with the sun

This hat will key your car and then ask for a ride home.

It’s pink. It’s playful. It’s one restraining order away from being a love story. Whether you’re oversharing in the group chat or making your ex nervous on Instagram, this mesh trucker delivers chaotic energy in bubble letters.

She’s not like other girls. She’s worse.

Details

• Bubble-text front print – cute font, unhinged message
• Pink mesh back – breathable, so you don’t sweat while spiraling
• Curved brim – for shading red flags
• Adjustable snapback – fits most heads, including the ones that overthink everything
• Goes with lip gloss, petty behavior, and every apology you never meant
• WARNING: May attract situationships

Description
Skip the chasers, go straight to chaos. This tee says what you won’t whisper: I Don’t Drink, Just Drugs. Perfect for parties, festivals, and ruining small talk.

Features

• Loose fit for maximum comfort (and plausible deniability)

• 100% cotton for breathable bad decisions

• Short sleeves for hot clubs or hotter messes

• Unisex design — chaos is for everyone

• Durable print that outlasts the afterparty

Specifications

• Fabric: Cotton

• Colors: Gray, Khaki, Pink, White

• Sizes: XS–XXXL

• Sleeve: Regular short sleeve

• Fit: Loose pullover

• Style: Japanese/Korean casual

• Print: High-quality graphic

• Thickness: Standard

For the chefs, the parents, the meal preppers — and anyone who’s just done pretending dinner is fun.

This shirt captures that exact moment when you open the fridge, stare at half a tomato and an expired yogurt, and realize the only thing you’re cooking tonight is your sanity.

A tragic masterpiece of burnout, served medium rare.

Some nights you eat. Some nights you simply… stop.

Details

• Depressed rat graphic – Michelin star in despair
• Soft cotton blend – perfect for collapsing face-down post-meal
• Unisex fit – for everyone who’s emotionally sautéed
• Minimalist text, maximalist cry for help
• Great for cooks, students, service workers, and anyone who’s “had enough” since 2017
• Pairs beautifully with unwashed dishes and intrusive thoughts

There’s iron deficiency. There’s pica. And then there’s this. A disturbing yet somehow triumphant declaration of dietary defiance. Featuring a cat that looks like it’s either made of wood or spiritually possessed, staring directly into your soul with the confidence of someone who just ate half a bag of Super Cement™ and liked it. Do not wear this to the dentist.

Details

• Printed on premium regret-resistant cotton

• Unisex fit for the whole demolition crew

• Cement not included, but highly encouraged

• Not OSHA approved, obviously

The hat of a man who once fixed a toaster with a butter knife and a grudge.

This isn’t just a dad hat. It’s a résumé. A philosophy. A passive-aggressive declaration of competence in a world full of people who can’t reset a router.

It doesn’t matter what’s broken. If you’re wearing this, it’s already half-fixed by proximity.

Some people went to college. You went to the garage.

Details

• Embroidered “I fix stuff and I know things” text – in case anyone had doubts
• Washed khaki cotton – worn-in like your patience
• Unstructured crown – soft on the outside, tough on the inside
• Adjustable strapback – fits most heads, even stubborn ones
• Ideal for dads, grandpas, and self-taught engineers with zero documentation
• Wears well with oil stains and unsolicited advice