For when your people skills are running on 1%.

The My Social Battery Tee is the official uniform of introverts everywhere — the perfect shirt for surviving small talk, pretending to enjoy parties, or silently ghosting after two drinks. Each battery bar tells the story of your slow emotional decline from “let’s hang” to “please don’t.”

Soft, breathable, and painfully relatable. Whether you’re out with friends or recharging in total isolation, this shirt does the explaining so you don’t have to.

Details

• 100% cotton/poly blend (depending on your level of social anxiety)
• Unisex fit for humans and hermits alike
• Machine washable — but human interaction not included
• Available in navy, green, and yellow
• Printed front design: “My Social Battery – People / People / People / People”

Meet Naughty Spud, the crocheted Christmas potato who’s single-handedly ruining HR-approved holiday parties everywhere.

Each spud comes with 30 swappable dirty signs, ranging from “Potato in the streets, French fry in the sheets” to “Ho-ho-hold my beer.”

He’s the perfect mix of “grandma made this” and “grandma would disown you for buying it.”

Stick him on your desk, your mantle, or right next to your Elf on the Shelf to establish dominance. Whether it’s Secret Santa, White Elephant, or a full-on corporate meltdown, Naughty Spud is guaranteed to be the most talked-about gift of the night.

Details

– Hand-crocheted potato plush with magnetic hands

– Includes 30 dirty, swappable signs

– Comes in gift-ready box with no shame included

– Stands proudly at 6 inches (of pure potato confidence)

– Works great as office decor, adult stocking stuffer, or emotional support tuber

Forget crypto. Forget stocks. This is real hustle.

The “Need Money for Porsche” tee lets the world know your priorities are straight: you don’t want help, you want horsepower. Printed in ransom-note lettering that screams both “I have a dream” and “I might sell you a cursed NFT,” this shirt is the perfect blend of high ambition and low bank account.

Ideal for:

– Begging with dignity

– Flexing without funds

– Garage daydreaming

– Explaining why you’re not splitting the check

Minimalist front. Maximum delusion on the back. Fits like a charm. Motivates like a manifesto.

Warning: Shirt does not come with Porsche. Yet.

You could protect your AirPods with something sleek and mature... or you could flex a neon candy pouch like a walking sugar crash. This delicious little pink abomination is molded from soft silicone and screams, “I snack through my trauma.”

Perfect for 90s babies, sugar addicts, and anyone trying to confuse TSA.

Details

– Fits AirPods 1 & 2

– Includes carabiner for chaos clipping

– Smells like plastic, not actual candy (important note)

– Silicone construction with tragic childhood memory reinforcement

– Nerds branding, minus the lawsuit

You didn’t go offline. The universe unplugged you.

This shirt is the last thing your browser saw before it blacked out.

A stranded dinosaur. A cactus. A prompt that sounds more like a dare.

Try: interacting with other humans? You first.

Printed in cold, pixelated honesty on soft white cotton, this tee is a wearable error message for the digitally deranged and socially suspended. Perfect for introverts, software engineers, or anyone still processing the Google Chrome no internet trauma from March 2020.

Other uses:

– Wi-Fi summoning ritual

– Friend repellent

– Conversation starter you’ll hate having

– Official uniform for your next forced team-building event

It’s not just a shirt. It’s your status.

And right now, you are offline.

Description
Symptoms: Grumbling knees, sudden lawn rage, thinking 9 PM is “late.”
Treatment: One (1) dose of OldGitamol, taken with laughter and a glass of prune juice.

Looks like a real pill bottle. Works like a sugar rush.

Features

• 🍬 Packed with jelly beans that taste way better than your cholesterol meds

• 🛍️ Comes in a fake pharmacy bag for maximum believability, minimum liability

• 🎂 Perfect gag for 30th, 40th, 50th, 60th, or any age where back pain becomes a personality

Side Effects

• 😂 Uncontrollable giggling

• 🕴️ Pranked coworkers

• 👴 Getting called “young man” sarcastically

Because sometimes the best medicine is jelly beans in disguise.

Specifications

• Product Type: Gag gift candy

• Includes: 1 fake pill bottle + jelly beans + pharmacy bag

• Materials: Plastic bottle, paper bag, assorted jelly beans

• Dimensions: Approx. 4.5" × 2" bottle

• Not for actual medical use (unless “sugar high” counts)

The most unappetizingly comfortable footwear on Earth.

Slip into the One Nail Slippers, where cozy comfort meets “what the hell are those.” Designed to look like a slightly toasted loaf of bread with a giant toenail baked on top, these plush monstrosities are perfect for confusing your guests, horrifying your roommates, or starting your own bread cult.

Soft, warm, and proudly disturbing — just how Weird Castle likes it.

Details

– 3D “bread and toenail” pattern that’ll ruin appetites everywhere

– Plush interior lining for buttery softness

– Lightweight foam sole for all-day loafing

– Fits men and women (one size fits most)

• – Machine washable (if you dare)