A shirt so questionable, it’s practically performance art.

The Optical Illusion Bust Tee is a throwback to an era when “3D design” meant confusing everyone at the barbecue. Featuring a hilariously bad illusion of cleavage, this shirt is your go-to for getting double takes, awkward laughs, and a few “bro… what?” reactions.

It’s the perfect mix of cursed design and chaotic energy — ideal for prank gifts, bachelor parties, or anyone whose sense of humor peaked in 2018.

Details

– 95% cotton, 5% “why does this exist?”

– Unisex fit (wear it ironically, please)

– Lightweight and breathable — unlike the tension it creates

– Machine washable, but dignity sold separately

– Available in white only (because of course it is)

Rise and shine — breakfast is aroused.

The Penis Egg Fry Mold turns your morning eggs into a bold statement about confidence, comedy, and cholesterol. Whether you’re cooking for friends, ruining brunch, or just trying to make yourself laugh before work, this pan mold gets the job done hard and fast.

Drop two eggs and a sausage in, and suddenly your kitchen’s a Rated-R comedy. Perfect for bachelor parties, hangovers, or anyone who takes their breakfast with a side of bad decisions.

Details

– Made from high-quality non-stick steel

– Heat-resistant handle for your morning performance

– Easy to clean and even easier to explain to your mother

– Works with eggs, pancakes, or pure chaos

– Compact enough to hide after use — if you must

Somewhere in a basement far, far away…

A man in this shirt just whispered “pew pew pew” at his reflection — and felt powerful.

Introducing the Pew Pew Wars Long Sleeve, forged in the fires of fandom and mild social anxiety. Perfect for the sci-fi obsessed, the cosplay curious, or anyone who’s ever corrected someone on lightsaber lore unprovoked.

The print screams galactic supremacy, the fit says midlife rebellion, and the overall vibe is “I could’ve been an engineer if I didn’t start a podcast.”

Wear it to the next convention, date, or awkward family dinner where you must once again explain why the prequels were misunderstood masterpieces.

You’re not wearing a shirt — you’re wearing a disturbance in the drip.

Details

• 100% cotton – breathable enough to survive Tatooine heat or your mom’s basement
• Classic black long sleeve – hides both sweat and shame
• Printed “PEW PEW” logo – perfect for ironic confidence or unironic delusion
• Unisex fit – ideal for geeks, freaks, and anyone strong with the cringe
• Soft as a Wookiee’s hug, durable as your commitment to the bit

Cozy up, stay fuzzy, and demand pickles with authority.

The Pickle Socks – Brine Time Edition say what you’re already thinking: If you can read this, bring me a pickle. Perfect for late-night snacking, post-breakup self-care, or quietly threatening your partner from across the couch.

Soft, fluffy, and aggressively pink — these socks are less “footwear” and more “emotional support condiment.”

Details

– Plush fuzzy texture that feels like hugging a jar of joy

– Non-slip lettering for dramatic kitchen entrances

– Machine washable, unlike your dignity at 2 a.m.

– Designed for pickle enthusiasts, weirdos, and cozy chaos lovers

– Comes in a reusable pink pickle jar gift bag (yes, really)

This isn’t a joke. It’s a legal workaround with sleeves.

The lawyers said we couldn’t print the name of the painkiller that allegedly affects brain development—so we didn’t. We simply admitted to taking something, and left the rest to your imagination (and your search history).

This shirt does all the talking for you. It’s your silent, legally compliant cry for patience. When you walk into a room, everyone already knows:

• You took something.

• It was name-brand.

• And it may have changed you forever.

Think of it as a court-approved confession in cotton.
Not merch. Not fashion. A compliance garment for the chemically altered.

This isn’t a joke. It’s your warning label, embroidered for permanence.

Trump said Tilenal causes autism. Maybe he was wrong, maybe he was right—but one fact remains: you took it. You are a certified Tilenal Baby.

This hat exists so you don’t have to keep explaining yourself. It communicates everything before you open your mouth:

• You took Tilenal.

• Your brain development may be compromised.

• Patience isn’t optional—it’s required.

Think of it as a medical device for social interaction—a wearable diagnosis for modern life. When people approach, they already know who they’re dealing with. No confusion, no misinterpretation—just informed consent.

Not apparel. Not merch. A communication tool.