This is not a cute outfit. This is a disclosure garment.

Trump said Tylenol causes autism. Your mom took Tylenol. The result? You.

Now the world doesn’t have to guess. With this onesie, you are immediately identified as a Tylenol Baby—no paperwork, no awkward pediatric conversations, no confusion at the daycare drop-off.

It’s not just clothing—it’s a compliance tool for social interaction.

Everyone who sees it knows:

• This baby requires patience.

• This baby’s brain development may not meet federal guidelines.

• This baby came with a warning label, and you’re looking at it.

Description
For when you want to say “I’m not like other men” without speaking. Embroidered in the unmistakable black-and-yellow of the world’s most educational platform, this hat is equal parts conversation starter and warning label.

Features

• Crisp embroidery so clean it belongs behind a paywall

• 100% cotton dome for comfort during marathon browsing sessions

• Adjustable strap for heads full of bad decisions

• Curved brim for that “I just watched something I can’t tell you about” squint

• Available in black, white, pink, beige, and washed black

• Perfect for wing nights, festivals, or reminding strangers incognito mode isn’t magic

Specifications

• Material: Cotton

• Colors: Black, White, Pink, Beige, Washed Black

• Sizes: Adjustable (one size fits most)

• Fit: Classic dad hat

• Style: Novelty / streetwear

• Embroidery: Premium stitching

Finally, a prescription you’ll actually fill.

The Prescription Beer Can Cooler is your doctor-approved cure for sobriety. It keeps your beer cold, your hands warm, and your priorities perfectly misaligned. Designed to look like an oversized pill bottle, this foam koozie is the ideal gag gift for anyone who believes laughter is the best medicine (after alcohol, of course).

Great for parties, white elephant exchanges, or anyone currently self-medicating with Busch Light. Warning: may cause increased social confidence, poor karaoke decisions, and excessive honesty.

Details

– Fits standard 12 oz cans and bottles

– Made of soft insulating foam — the good stuff, not the sad cheap kind

– Printed with an authentic-style “Prescription Beer” label

– Keeps your drink colder than your ex’s heart

– Ideal gag gift for drinkers, doctors, and people who’ve given up on both

Finally, a science class we can get behind. This shirt breaks down the essential elements of modern communication: sarcasm, pettiness, and a vague sense of superiority. Designed using totally real and not-at-all-misused periodic table blocks, it’s the perfect tee for chemistry majors, failed comedians, or anyone whose love language is passive aggression.

Printed on a jet black cotton blend that’s soft enough to nap in and structured enough to let people know you’re smarter than them (or at least funnier).

Details

• 70% cotton blend

• Classic unisex fit

• Available in black, white, khaki, red, wine red, blue, light gray, dark gray, navy blue

• Sizes XS–4XL

• Will not improve your GPA, but may boost your self-esteem

A hat for women who believe in gender roles — specifically, the one where he pays.

The Put It On My Husband’s Tab Hat is a red-and-white statement piece that says “I don’t check prices, I check vibes.” Perfect for date nights, brunches, and budget meetings you don’t plan on attending.

It’s bold. It’s bratty. It’s the modern-day dowry — embroidered in retro lettering and powered by financial delusion. Wear it to let everyone know your man handles the bill while you handle the attention.

Whether you’re married, divorced, or just emotionally sponsored, this hat works harder than your credit card ever will.

Details

• Classic two-tone trucker style – breathable mesh for high-limit lifestyles
• Adjustable snapback – fits most heads and all financial dependencies
• Embroidered “PUT IT ON MY HUSBAND’S TAB” text – loud, proud, and tax-deductible (probably)
• Made from polyester and poor impulse control
• Lightweight design – for when you’re carrying emotional baggage, not financial

This shirt is a war crime against good taste and we’re proud of that.

Somewhere off the coast of whatever planet this is, laser-eyed cats ride interstellar dolphins through a sea of Bud Light while a rainbow blasts through the skull of a cosmic feline god. There’s also a pirate ship, a fish-cat hybrid, and what might be Bill Murray. We stopped asking questions around draft seven.

Perfect for:

• beer-in-the-hot-tub philosophers

• dolphin truthers

• anyone who’s ever said “it’s a vibe” and meant it

Printed using digital soul transfer technology (probably polyester). Wear it to your cousin’s wedding. Or your trial.

This shirt is not hopeful.

It’s not motivational.

It’s just… true.

Staring deep into the void with America’s little trash philosopher, this tee tells it like it is—without the need for a second coffee or a wellness podcast.

You don’t need therapy.

You need a shirt with a raccoon that gave up in 2007 and never looked back.

🙃 For when you wanna say, “Don’t talk to me,”

💅 But also say, “I have a raccoon degree in Realism.”

Let the beige do the talking.

Let the raccoon do the crying.

Let the people know the vibes are subterranean.

Product Details:

• 100% cotton, soft enough for a midlife spiral

• Screen-printed blue ink that matches your general outlook

• Unisex sizing (Medium, Large, Extra-large Regret)

• Slightly boxy fit, just like the day you were born

• Raccoon illustration hand-sketched by a man who hasn’t slept since 2020