For when your sense of humor hits rock bottom — and keeps digging.

The Rectal Use Only Stickers are the ultimate weapon in the prank wars. Stick one on your friend’s water bottle, lunch box, or Amazon return and watch confusion unfold. Each roll comes with 200 little green warnings guaranteed to make any situation uncomfortably funny.

Ideal for immature adults, chaotic coworkers, or anyone still laughing at “that’s what she said.” Durable, waterproof, and sticky enough to ruin your reputation at family gatherings.

Details

• Roll of 200 stickers — more than enough to end friendships
• 1.5” x .375” – the perfect size for maximum suspicion
• Waterproof and tear-resistant – because laughter is forever
• Bright green finish – visible from across the HR department
• Best used on other people’s stuff (but legally, don’t)

A love letter to your childhood… and your lower back pain.

This warped OG controller is pushing a walker but still pressing start. Call it nostalgia, call it denial — either way, it’s limping to the high score screen with arthritis and attitude.

Wear it loud if your favorite hobby is telling kids the game was harder “back then.”

Details :

• Printed graphic of a vintage video game controller using a walker

• 100% combed cotton

• Classic crew neck

• Soft-touch screen print

• Fits true to size unless you’re old, in which case everything’s a little tighter than it used to be

For when you’ve had it with bad vibes, toxic people, and Mercury’s bullshit.

The Return to Sender Sweatshirt says what your aura’s been screaming all year: “Take your negativity somewhere else.” Perfect for sipping tea while ignoring texts, staging your apartment, or hexing your ex from a safe emotional distance.

Made with soft cotton and passive-aggressive enlightenment, this cozy crewneck helps you manifest peace — or at least look peaceful while plotting revenge.

Details

– 100% cotton fleece blend (soft like good karma)

– Unisex fit for witches, skeptics, and everyone in between

– Features a printed evil eye for built-in emotional armor

– Machine washable (sage optional)

– Available in black, navy, white, yellow, and pink

Protect your AirPods 3 like your portal gun depends on it. This 2-pack includes everyone's favorite anxious teen and a suspiciously threatening robot version. Made of soft silicone, both cases come with metal keychains and an existential crisis baked in.

Details

– Compatible only with AirPods 3rd gen

– Includes 2 silicone cases (Rick + Morty)

– Comes with 2 metal keychains

– Shockproof, dustproof, multiverse-resistant

– Does not come with therapy. You’ll need that later.

A shirt so unhinged it makes eye contact with your soul.

Featuring a council of opossums who clearly know something you don’t — probably ancient pickup techniques passed down through a lineage of abandoned Quiznos parking lots.

Is it satire? Is it autobiography? Is it a trap?

Yes.

Details :

• Premium opossum-grade cotton

• Vintage chrome font with 2009 internet energy

• Slight scent of trashcan romance baked in

• Comes pre-loaded with confusing charisma

Description
When history hands you incompetence, put it on a trucker hat.

The Rooftop Rookies Hat is a satirical nod to July 13th, 2024 — the day a “slope too steep” became the excuse heard ’round the world. Equal parts dark humor and wearable commentary, this cap immortalizes the rooftop that wasn’t guarded, the excuse that broke the internet, and the chaos that followed.

For anyone who thinks “safety concerns about a slope” belongs in the National Comedy Archive. Wear it loud, wear it proud — the slope is eternal.

Features
🧢 100% polyester foam front & nylon mesh back
🔒 Adjustable plastic snap closure (one size fits most, 22.8"/58cm)
🪡 Six-row stitching on visor for that “officially unserious” look
🎨 Seven color combos available
📦 Creases disappear once worn (like government accountability)

Specifications
Product Type: Trucker Hat
Material: Polyester foam front, nylon mesh back
Size: One size fits most (adjustable)
Closure: Plastic snapback
Colors: 7 combinations
Care: Spot clean only