For when you’ve had it with bad vibes, toxic people, and Mercury’s bullshit.

The Return to Sender Sweatshirt says what your aura’s been screaming all year: “Take your negativity somewhere else.” Perfect for sipping tea while ignoring texts, staging your apartment, or hexing your ex from a safe emotional distance.

Made with soft cotton and passive-aggressive enlightenment, this cozy crewneck helps you manifest peace — or at least look peaceful while plotting revenge.

Details

– 100% cotton fleece blend (soft like good karma)

– Unisex fit for witches, skeptics, and everyone in between

– Features a printed evil eye for built-in emotional armor

– Machine washable (sage optional)

– Available in black, navy, white, yellow, and pink

Protect your AirPods 3 like your portal gun depends on it. This 2-pack includes everyone's favorite anxious teen and a suspiciously threatening robot version. Made of soft silicone, both cases come with metal keychains and an existential crisis baked in.

Details

– Compatible only with AirPods 3rd gen

– Includes 2 silicone cases (Rick + Morty)

– Comes with 2 metal keychains

– Shockproof, dustproof, multiverse-resistant

– Does not come with therapy. You’ll need that later.

A shirt so unhinged it makes eye contact with your soul.

Featuring a council of opossums who clearly know something you don’t — probably ancient pickup techniques passed down through a lineage of abandoned Quiznos parking lots.

Is it satire? Is it autobiography? Is it a trap?

Yes.

Details :

• Premium opossum-grade cotton

• Vintage chrome font with 2009 internet energy

• Slight scent of trashcan romance baked in

• Comes pre-loaded with confusing charisma

Description
When history hands you incompetence, put it on a trucker hat.

The Rooftop Rookies Hat is a satirical nod to July 13th, 2024 — the day a “slope too steep” became the excuse heard ’round the world. Equal parts dark humor and wearable commentary, this cap immortalizes the rooftop that wasn’t guarded, the excuse that broke the internet, and the chaos that followed.

For anyone who thinks “safety concerns about a slope” belongs in the National Comedy Archive. Wear it loud, wear it proud — the slope is eternal.

Features
🧢 100% polyester foam front & nylon mesh back
🔒 Adjustable plastic snap closure (one size fits most, 22.8"/58cm)
🪡 Six-row stitching on visor for that “officially unserious” look
🎨 Seven color combos available
📦 Creases disappear once worn (like government accountability)

Specifications
Product Type: Trucker Hat
Material: Polyester foam front, nylon mesh back
Size: One size fits most (adjustable)
Closure: Plastic snapback
Colors: 7 combinations
Care: Spot clean only

Description
“Sorry, Mr. President, the roof was too slippery!”

On July 13th, 2024, the Secret Service skipped securing a rooftop because of slope concerns… and we all know how that ended. The Rooftop Rookies Tee turns that blunder into wearable satire — soft cotton, sharp humor, and the kind of disbelief you can’t wash out.

Features

• Comfort Colors 1717 tee – 100% ring-spun US cotton

• Medium weight (6.1 oz/yd²) – breathable, slope-proof durability

• Relaxed fit & crew neckline – chaos casual or irony chic

• Pre-shrunk – holds shape, unlike government excuses

• Ethically grown US cotton – US Cotton Trust Protocol certified

Specifications

• Product Type: Unisex T-shirt

• Material: 100% ring-spun US cotton

• Weight: 6.1 oz/yd² (medium weight)

• Fit: Relaxed, crew neck

• Sizes: S–3XL (select at checkout)

• Care: Machine wash cold, tumble dry low

At first glance, it’s just math. At second glance, it’s still math. At third glance, you are the math.

This shirt is not for solving. It’s for surrendering.

To chaos.

To elegance.

To the ancient symbols written across the walls of a haunted STEM lab where a TA vanished in 1996.

Every formula is correct. Every line is a threat.

Wear it if you no longer fear being asked to “show your work.”

Suggested Uses:

– Gaslight your math teacher

– First date at a planetarium

– Be the guy in the group chat who understands derivatives too fast

– Halloween costume for “Unknowable Genius” or “Math Demon (Adjunct)”

This is not a joke shirt.

This is a prophecy shirt.

The answer is on you. And it’s wrong. But it feels right.

Go to sleep like a cartoon character having a midlife crisis.

The Sad Frog Sleep Mask is soft, plush, and deeply relatable — perfect for people who are tired in more ways than one. Whether you’re passing out on a plane, fake-napping to avoid your family, or just lying there reflecting on your choices, this little green icon’s got your back.

It’s not just a sleep mask. It’s a mood.

Details

– Plush, breathable, and lightly padded for comfort

– Adjustable strap for sad heads of all sizes

– Blocks light, joy, and hope with equal efficiency

– Machine washable (unlike your conscience)

– 20×10 cm – fits adults and kids equally dead inside