You ever look at a cartoon mouse and think, same bro?

The Sad Mickey Tee is a haunting reflection of what happens when childhood joy meets adult burnout. Featuring a warped, emotionally damaged version of everyone’s favorite rodent, this shirt says, “I’m fine” in bold, polyester silence.

Perfect for anyone who’s seen too much, smiled too long, and still has to clock in Monday morning.

Details

– 100% polyester (because life isn’t always soft)

– Unisex fit, emotionally unisex too

– Breathable, durable, and deeply unsettling

– Machine washable, therapy not included

– Available in white, black, green, and blue

For when small talk physically hurts.

The Sarcastic Comment Loading Whiskey Glass is for people who smile through meetings, family dinners, and every sentence that begins with “Well actually…”

Pour two fingers of something brown, let your inner monologue buffer, and sip your way through the pain of existing in a society that still uses “reply all.”

Sturdy enough to survive your third existential crisis, classy enough to make HR nervous.

Details

– 10oz glass built for both bourbon and bitterness

– “Sarcastic Comment Loading” engraved design

– Includes whiskey stones because you’ve earned cold, not compromise

– Comes in a fancy box so people think you have your life together

– Dishwasher safe, emotionally unstable

The experiment’s over. The box is open. The cat?

Murderer.

This is Schrödinger’s cat if it got tired of waiting to be observed and took matters (and a knife) into its own paws. It’s not theoretical anymore — it’s personal.

Perfect for science nerds with a mean streak, goths who passed AP Physics, or anyone who thinks thought experiments should involve a little more blood.

Features a shadowy feline holding a knife like it knows something you don’t. Spoiler: it does.

Product Details:

• 100% cotton — because dead cats deserve breathable fabric

• Available in sinister BLACK, regret-blue BLUE, espresso-shot COFFEE, and radioactive YELLOW

• Short sleeve or long sleeve depending on the season of your villain arc

• Sizes S to 3XL — we don’t discriminate by mass

• Design printed loud and sharp like a scream from inside the box

• Soft enough to wear while contemplating the collapse of the wavefunction

Description
Some shirts make a statement. This one makes people squint: “Why is there a shrimp on your chest?” Answer: scoliosis.

Features

• 100% cotton comfort for all-day ridiculousness

• Perfectly curved shrimp design (tiny seafood hammock vibes)

• Conversation starter that nobody asked for

• Unisex sizing from S–XXXL (Asian sizing — order up)

• Works for barbecues, seafood aisles, or marine biology majors

Specifications

• Fabric: Cotton

• Colors: Black, White, Gray, Pink

• Sizes: S–XXXL

• Sleeve: Regular short sleeve

• Fit: Loose pullover

• Style: Casual unisex

• Print: High-quality graphic

• Thickness: Standard

Built for war. Worn for brunch.

This is the hood you put on when you need to survive both a snowstorm and your ex’s family ski trip. It’s thick. It’s cozy. It looks like you skinned a Muppet for warmth and got away with it.

Whether you’re bombing down a mountain or walking to CVS in a fit of seasonal depression, this thing says, “Don’t talk to me unless you brought soup.”

Also functions as a disguise. Allegedly.

Details

• Heavyweight sherpa exterior – like wearing a panic attack, but plush

• Windproof neck seal – whisper your lies into it, no one will hear

• Adjustable toggles – tighten it up when winter’s got hands

• One-piece design – no loose scarf, no neck shame

• Available in multiple colors – including “unclaimed snow corpse beige”

• Perfect for skiing, hiking, or crying in a Honda Civic

Promoted against your will.

This hat isn’t just a vibe — it’s a title you didn’t ask for but definitely earned. Whether you’re managing a chaotic friend group, a doomed startup, or just your own emotional spiral, this washed blue disasterpiece is your uniform.

The world’s on fire. You’re on break.

Details

• Vintage-washed blue cotton – looks like you’ve been through something (you have)
• Embroidered text – no one can say they weren’t warned
• Curved brim – for shielding yourself from accountability
• Unstructured fit – like your work-life balance
• Adjustable strapback – because the disaster scales
• Includes zero actual authority

Not a request. A lifestyle.

This hat doesn’t ask for attention — it demands evidence. Whether you’re yelling it from the back of a lifted truck or whispering it to the mirror in a Bass Pro parking lot, this red-white classic sends one clear message: you didn’t come here to make friends.

You came here to make eye contact… and ruin it.

Details

• Bold all-caps black lettering – zero interpretation required
• Foam-padded white front panel – for full frontal visibility
• Red mesh trucker back – breathable for intense situations
• Curved brim – aerodynamic when thrown from a moving boat
• Adjustable snapback – fits all head sizes, few social settings
• Pairs well with jean shorts, beer breath, and zero shame