You don’t wear this hat. You surrender to it. A full-blown legume explosion in 360° high-definition bean. Perfect for weddings, custody hearings, or just telling the world you gave up and became a soup.

Features:

– All-over baked bean immersion

– Unisex, unlike your personality

– Foldable for shame-based storage

– Lightweight polyester, heavy on regret

– Weird enough to be illegal in 13 states

Use cases:

• Getting kicked out of the family group chat
• Passing TSA with zero eye contact
• Talking to someone about your screenplay (bean-related)
• Summer. Or winter. Or emotional collapse.

These aren’t socks.

They’re an emotional meltdown for your feet.

Each toe is an opera.

Each step is a scream.

These socks are yelling because you are too polite to.

Whether you’re walking into a staff meeting, kicking open a therapist’s door, or just limping through life one existential crisis at a time—these babies do the shouting so you don’t have to.

🧦 Double-sided faces that scream in both directions

🎤 100% cotton (so you don’t actually combust)

🫢 High-stretch guilt containment (results may vary)

💥 Height: 50cm of loud. Length: 120cm of why.

They don’t pair with outfits.

They command them.

You walk into the room.

Everyone’s eyes adjust.

Too late.

You’ve already been seen.

This shirt isn’t just reflective. It’s a premonition.

A retina-melter. A disco ball with unresolved trauma.

It shimmers like an oil spill in heaven.

It’s technically a short-sleeve button-up. But spiritually?

It’s a tactical rave warning.

Made from a polyester blend that feels like sleeping inside a UFO.

Glows so hard it files taxes as a light source.

Also available in sizes that fit demigods, ghost hunters, and retired DJs.

Product Details:

• 95% polyester, 5% “what the hell is that made of”

• Full-spectrum reflective coating — works in flash photos, streetlights, and spiritual awakenings

• Two chest pockets for your secrets or ChapStick

• Black buttons to contrast your divine glow

• Relaxed fit for ease of movement and post-visibility existential crises

• Available in M to 3XL

• Pairs great with zero explanation

Two eras. One Susan.

This shirt captures the rare quantum phenomenon known as “dual Susans” — a timeline collision so powerful it caused every grandmother in Australia to simultaneously sense danger.

Perfect for fans of television, time travel, or women named Susan who could absolutely win a verbal argument with a police officer.

Details:

• Soft-style cotton blend

• Black base with vintage green aura background

• Fits true to your own personal Susan

• Printed with awkward emotional residue from season 14

Ever seen a light pop up on your dashboard and think,

“Yeah… that tracks”?

This shirt is a tribute to all the weird alerts, personal breakdowns, and mysterious blinking symbols that feel way too relatable.

A full display of chaos. Mechanical, emotional, spiritual. Mostly emotional.

• Features 20+ absurdly fake warning signs that feel realer than your last breakup

• Soft poly-blend for full-body diagnostic failure

• Digital print, no actual car knowledge required

• Great for drivers, non-drivers, and people whose check engine light has been on since 2009

Pairs well with road trips, minor meltdowns, and that one friend who definitely shouldn’t be behind the wheel.

Professionalism from the ankles up.

Introducing the This Meeting Is Bullshit Socks — the only form of corporate protest HR can’t confiscate. Designed for maximum comfort during minimum productivity, these socks whisper your true feelings while your face pretends to care.

Perfect for 9 a.m. syncs, mandatory “team bonding,” and pretending your camera is off during Zooms.

Details

– Compression fit for improved circulation (of rage)

– Non-slip comfort for endless standing meetings

– Breathable blend for when your soul’s suffocating

– Machine washable, emotionally irreversible

– Fits all genders, fits no patience

Finally — a product to terrify new parents and weed out the weak.

The TikTot+ Baby Influencer Kit prank box looks disturbingly real, promising to “make your newborn the next viral sensation.” The fake packaging includes phrases like “studio strap” and “ring light for infants,” just to ensure Grandma’s blood pressure spikes before she opens it.

Hide your real gift inside, wrap it up, and enjoy the silence of pure confusion followed by the sound of betrayal. Perfect for baby showers, Christmas, or any event where you want people to question your morality.

Because love is temporary — but awkward silence is forever.

Details

• Authentic-looking retail box — printed in high-res parental panic
• Fits your real gift inside — the emotional damage is complimentary
• 100% recyclable cardboard — sustainability through deception
• No actual baby-influencing equipment included
• Reusable — once they forgive you, do it again next year