A powerful headpiece that says, “I may have been crocheted, but my enemies were knit-picky.”

There are hats. And then there are statements. This one says, “I own zero real dreadlocks but somehow too many opinions.” Fully loaded with chaotic neutral energy and crafted from thick yarn strands that whisper, “Don’t question it, just vibe.”

Whether you’re going to a Halloween party, infiltrating a ska concert, or just having an identity crisis at 2am, the Yarnlocked Hat is here to guide you. Comes pre-infused with incense and the energy of 10,000 unspoken debates.

Details

• one-size-fits-most cranial mysteries

• handcrafted yarn tentacles in various emotional shades

• breathable mesh structure for maximum head simmer

• wildly inauthentic

• should not be worn to Jamaica without a legal escort

The Yodeling Pickle exists because the universe ran out of ideas — and thank God for that.

Push the button and bask in the hauntingly beautiful sound of a plastic cucumber yodeling its little heart out. It’s the perfect gift for anyone who already owns everything, or for that one coworker who’s just weird enough to appreciate a sentient brine enthusiast.

Whether it’s a White Elephant party, family gathering, or moment of midlife despair, the Yodeling Pickle promises to turn confusion into laughter and laughter into regret. Batteries included. Therapy not.

Details

• Fully functional yodeling mechanism – yes, it really yodels
• Made of high-quality plastic – the kind that will outlive humanity
• Battery powered – because even chaos needs energy
• Portable pickle perfection – fits in pockets, purses, or bad decisions
• Ideal for White Elephant parties, pranks, or existential reflection

The hat you wear when words aren’t enough.

When you’ve already tried facts.

When you’ve already said, “Hey man, that’s a pyramid scheme.”

This hat is your final resort.

You put it on.

You look them in the eye.

You say nothing.

Let the hat do the work.

If they know, they know.

If they don’t… you’ve confirmed it.

DETAILS

• 100% cotton, zero Kool-Aid

• Adjustable strap: fits heads swollen with denial

• Bright red: legally distinct from that one other hat

• Engineered for family barbecues, Facebook arguments, and group chats you’ll be removed from

• Ships in a plain box. For safety.

Description
What do you call a skeleton with impeccable manners and a roll of toilet paper? A knight in shining Charmin. This vintage tin sign turns your bathroom into a medieval throne room where dignity and dumps collide.

Features

• Skeletal servant hoisting a royal toilet scroll

• 12" × 8" of glorious, knightly bathroom décor

• Pre-drilled holes for easy hanging (not stabbing)

• Rustic, water-resistant, and slightly unholy finish

• Perfect for noble dumps, sarcastic guests, and medieval makeovers

Specifications

• Material: Metal tin

• Size: 12" × 8"

• Finish: Rustic, water-resistant print

• Mounting: Pre-drilled holes

• Style: Vintage humor / medieval décor

• Room Compatibility: Bathroom, powder room, castle dungeon

A soft, plush, lavender-colored middle finger to the world. This fuck-shaped bath mat dries your feet and your spirit. Cozy as hell, offensive as needed. Perfect for bathrooms, dorms, or anywhere someone needs to take a fucking hint.

Details

– 27” x 15”

– Plush microfiber top, TPR anti-slip bottom

– Absorbent enough for post-shower puddles or post-breakup cries

– Machine washable

– The mat says fuck, and it fucking means it

Ever wanted to rest your drink on a dismembered brain?

Now you can — ten times over.

This 3D Brain Slice Coaster Set is a museum of madness disguised as home decor. Each acrylic slice features disturbingly realistic brain anatomy, perfect for neuroscientists, med students, or anyone whose idea of a party trick involves saying “actually, that’s the prefrontal cortex.”

Whether you’re sipping whiskey while pondering existence or just trying to keep your IKEA table dry, these coasters scream I contain multitudes — and possibly intrusive thoughts.

Details

• Set of 10 transparent acrylic coasters – each one a different slice of the human mind
• Printed anatomical detail that’ll make guests question your profession and your sanity
• Rubber backing keeps it steady during existential crises
• Hand wash only – brains don’t do well in microwaves
• Average shipping time: 7–10 days
• Dimensions: roughly 3.5” x 3.5” (aka “just big enough for your bad decisions”)