Description:
History doesn’t have to cost full price.
The Civil War Veteran: Budget Edition Hat is your clearance-rack salute to the fallen, stitched for laughs and lightweight wallets alike. It’s got the same ironic valor as the premium model, just without the luxury markup.

Wear it to family cookouts, awkward history debates, or while explaining that, no, you weren’t actually there. Heritage on a discount. Patriotism on Velcro®.

Details:

• 100% Cotton Twill (sturdy enough for reenactments, light enough for denial)

• Structured, low-fitting profile for that “draft dodger chic” look

• Adjustable Velcro® closure — freedom to resize as the Union intended

Description:
The Civil War 2 Veteran: Core Edition Hat is your budget-friendly ticket to surviving America’s weirdest sequel. Same ironic salute, slimmer price tag. Whether you’re doomscrolling in the trenches of TikTok or grilling in your backyard, this hat says: “I enlisted in the comments section, and all I got was this cap.”

Affordable, adjustable, and unapologetically absurd. Future Veteran status has never been so accessible.

Features:

• 100% Cotton Twill (built cheaper than the empire it mocks)

• Structured, low-fitting crown for battlefield or basement duty

• Adjustable Velcro® closure to fit rebels, patriots, and fence-sitters alike

Divided we fall. And this hat makes sure you look good doing it.

The Civil War 2 Veteran Cap isn’t North vs. South — it’s everyone vs. everyone. Boomer vs. Zoomer, Left vs. Farther Left, Costco vs. Walmart.

It doesn’t pick sides. It just crowns the chaos.

Features

• Premium black corduroy — tougher than your uncle’s Facebook feed

• Embroidered “GG AMERICA” + “FUTURE VETERAN”

• Fake valor ribbons + eagle badge for maximum delusion

• Adjustable strap, one size fits most

• Limited run — ships fast, collapses faster

Specifications

• Type: Corduroy/mesh trucker cap

• Material: 100% corduroy front, poly blend back

• Fit: One size fits most (adjustable strap)

• Embroidery: Front text + patch details

• Extras: Faux military ribbons & eagle emblem

• Care: Spot clean only

• Origin: Assembled in USA from globally sourced parts

Description
You didn’t just read about history — you bayoneted it into existence. The Civil War Veteran Hat is for the forgotten founders, the men who shaped America and now can’t even get a free coffee at Denny’s. Wear it and demand the salute you’re owed.

Features

• Union blue corduroy (basically black — history fades fast)

• Patch with crossed rifles + “Civil War Veteran” text

• “Proudly Served” embroidered into the brim

• Battle bars of… let’s call it “creative accuracy”

• Brass-adjustable faux leather strap

• Weird Castle insignia stitched into the side

• Limited stock — ships immediately

Specifications

• Product Type: Embroidered corduroy cap

• Material: 100% corduroy front & brim

• Fit: One size fits most (adjustable brass clasp)

• Embroidery: Front patch + brim text

• Extras: Faux battle bars + Weird Castle insignia

• Care: Spot clean only

• Origin: Assembled in USA from globally sourced parts

Description
You’ve done your time — just not in this timeline. The Civil War Veteran Tee honors a war no one alive remembers but everyone still argues about. With bold crossed muskets on the front, “Civil War Veteran” + “Proudly Served” on the back, and enough irony to last another century of family feuds, it’s a uniform for the historically unhinged.

Features

• 100% brushed polyester – silky, breathable, battle-ready

• Lightweight comfort (5.16 oz/yd²) – won’t weigh you down like cannon fire

• Fade & shrink resistant – unlike history textbooks

• Expert cut & sew construction – made for imaginary honor

• Inside collar print – no itchy tags, no deserters

• Seam thread auto-matched to design

• Weird Castle insignia on back hem + sleeve logo

Specifications

• Product Type: Unisex T-shirt

• Material: 100% brushed polyester

• Weight: 5.16 oz/yd² (175 g/m²)

• Fit: Regular

• Sizes: S–3XL (select at checkout)

• Care: Machine wash cold, tumble dry low

• Origin: Assembled in the USA from globally sourced parts

You’ve tried adulting. It didn’t take.

So slip into these Cloud Cluster Bubble Slides — the footwear equivalent of a Xanax bubble bath. Each sole looks like it was designed by a cartoon therapist who said, “Let’s heal through nonsense.”

They’re absurdly soft, scientifically unserious, and come decorated with random charms that scream “I’m fine” in six different fonts. Perfect for padding around your apartment like a clinically cozy deity or confronting life’s failures one squishy step at a time.

These slides don’t just support your feet — they support your decision to stop pretending you’re okay.

Details

• Soft EVA lychee-texture foam – light, bouncy, and anti-responsibility
• Bubble-cluster sole for unmatched comfort and passive-aggressive joy
• Includes assorted cartoon charms – because therapy’s expensive
• Slip-on design – no laces, no effort, no problems
• Unisex fit – sized for all genders and all levels of existential fatigue

You’ve tried adulting. It didn’t take.

So slip into these Cloud Cluster Bubble Slides — the footwear equivalent of a Xanax bubble bath. Each sole looks like it was designed by a cartoon therapist who said, “Let’s heal through nonsense.”

They’re absurdly soft, scientifically unserious, and come decorated with random charms that scream “I’m fine” in six different fonts. Perfect for padding around your apartment like a clinically cozy deity or confronting life’s failures one squishy step at a time.

These slides don’t just support your feet — they support your decision to stop pretending you’re okay.

Details

• Soft EVA lychee-texture foam – light, bouncy, and anti-responsibility
• Bubble-cluster sole for unmatched comfort and passive-aggressive joy
• Includes assorted cartoon charms – because therapy’s expensive
• Slip-on design – no laces, no effort, no problems
• Unisex fit – sized for all genders and all levels of existential fatigue