Description
Your lip gloss is now legally part of an active investigation.

These novelty zipper pouches look like official police evidence bags — minus the forensics, plus a little unhinged flair. Perfect for makeup, keys, receipts, or secrets you’ll deny under oath.

Features

• 🧬 Set of 4 pouches, all equally incriminating

• 🪶 Durable, waterproof linen (to contain fluids and suspicions)

• 📏 9.8" × 7.1" — fits in most glove compartments and escape plans

• 🧼 Easy to clean, but hard to explain

• Ideal for true crime lovers, coworkers who overshare, or sketchy relatives

Specifications

• Product Type: Novelty zipper pouch set

• Material: Linen blend, waterproof coating

• Size: 9.8" × 7.1" (per bag)

• Quantity: 4 bags per set

• Closure: Secure zipper

• Care: Wipe clean only

America’s most anticipated sequel hasn’t dropped yet, but you already served. This hat says “Future Veteran” because you’ve been pre-deployed since your last family group chat.

The Civil War 2 Veteran Hat doesn’t pick sides — it crowns the chaos. Black corduroy, embroidered “GG AMERICA,” faux valor ribbons, and an eagle badge for maximum unearned distinction. You haven’t done anything yet, and it already shows.

Wear it to the cookout. Wear it to the comments section. Salute yourself in the mirror. The sequel hasn’t started, but your merch is ready.

Features

• Premium black corduroy — tougher than your uncle’s Facebook feed
• Embroidered “GG AMERICA” + “FUTURE VETERAN”
• Fake valor ribbons + eagle badge for maximum delusion
• Adjustable strap, one size fits most
• Limited run — ships fast, collapses faster

Specifications

• Type: Corduroy/mesh trucker cap
• Material: 100% corduroy front, poly blend back
• Fit: One size fits most (adjustable strap)
• Embroidery: Front text + patch details
• Extras: Faux military ribbons & eagle emblem
• Care: Spot clean only
• Origin: Handmade in the USA

What You’re Getting

You’re not buying a joke — you’re buying a well-made hat with a joke on it. Quality that won’t make you question your life choices.

Returns + Exchanges

We accept returns and exchanges within 30 days of delivery. Items must be unworn, unwashed, and still capable of starting arguments. If something’s off, email us with your order number and we’ll make it right.

You served. You fought. You were definitely alive in 1863. This hat says so, and nobody can prove otherwise.

The Civil War Veteran Hat is for anyone who’s ever wanted a “thank you for your service” without all the pesky enlisting. Union blue corduroy, a crossed-rifles patch, and “Proudly Served” stitched right on the brim — because subtlety died at Antietam.

Wear it to the grocery store. Wear it to family dinner. Accept the confused salutes. You’ve earned absolutely nothing, and this hat celebrates that.

Features

• Premium union blue corduroy — the fabric of fake patriots
• Embroidered crossed-rifles patch with “Civil War Veteran” crest
• “Proudly Served” stitched on the brim, in case anyone doubts you
• Brass-adjustable faux leather strap — because even fake veterans deserve real comfort
• Weird Castle insignia on the back — proof this is satire (legally important)

Specifications

• Type: Structured corduroy cap
• Material: 100% corduroy, faux leather strap
• Fit: One size fits most (adjustable brass buckle)
• Embroidery: Front patch + brim text
• Care: Spot clean only
• Origin: Handmade in the USA

What You’re Getting

This isn’t a costume. It’s a handmade, limited-edition hat with a joke sewn into every stitch. Premium materials, real craftsmanship, and a conversation starter that writes itself.

Returns + Exchanges

We accept returns and exchanges within 30 days of delivery. Items must be unworn, unwashed, and still capable of starting arguments. If something’s off, email us with your order number and we’ll make it right.

You served in the Civil War. You were definitely there. This shirt proves it. All-over printed with crossed muskets, “Civil War Veteran” on front, and “Proudly Served” on back — because if you’re going to lie about your military record, you might as well commit to it with your entire torso.

The Civil War Veteran Tee is a full-body declaration of service you never rendered in a war that ended 160+ years ago. It’s loud, it’s all-over print, and it will generate more confused stares per square inch than any other garment in your closet.

Features

• All-over sublimation print — your fake service record covers every angle
• Crossed muskets front graphic — the universal symbol for “I definitely fought in this”
• “CIVIL WAR VETERAN” front text — in case anyone was wondering
• “PROUDLY SERVED” back text — for when you walk away from conversations you can’t win
• Sizes XS–XXXXL — fake valor comes in every size

Specifications

• Print method: All-over sublimation
• Material: Lightweight performance fabric
• Fit: Unisex, standard
• Sizes: XS, S, M, L, XL, XXL, XXXL, XXXXL
• Fulfillment: Print-on-demand via Printify

What You’re Getting

A t-shirt that turns your entire body into a monument to a war you didn’t fight in. Pair it with the Civil War Veteran Hat for full dress uniform status. Or wear it alone and let people figure it out.

Returns + Exchanges

We accept returns within 30 days. Shirt must be unworn and in original condition. Your imaginary service record remains on file permanently.

You’ve tried adulting. It didn’t take.

So slip into these Cloud Cluster Bubble Slides — the footwear equivalent of a Xanax bubble bath. Each sole looks like it was designed by a cartoon therapist who said, “Let’s heal through nonsense.”

They’re absurdly soft, scientifically unserious, and come decorated with random charms that scream “I’m fine” in six different fonts. Perfect for padding around your apartment like a clinically cozy deity or confronting life’s failures one squishy step at a time.

These slides don’t just support your feet — they support your decision to stop pretending you’re okay.

Details

• Soft EVA lychee-texture foam – light, bouncy, and anti-responsibility
• Bubble-cluster sole for unmatched comfort and passive-aggressive joy
• Includes assorted cartoon charms – because therapy’s expensive
• Slip-on design – no laces, no effort, no problems
• Unisex fit – sized for all genders and all levels of existential fatigue

You’ve tried adulting. It didn’t take.

So slip into these Cloud Cluster Bubble Slides — the footwear equivalent of a Xanax bubble bath. Each sole looks like it was designed by a cartoon therapist who said, “Let’s heal through nonsense.”

They’re absurdly soft, scientifically unserious, and come decorated with random charms that scream “I’m fine” in six different fonts. Perfect for padding around your apartment like a clinically cozy deity or confronting life’s failures one squishy step at a time.

These slides don’t just support your feet — they support your decision to stop pretending you’re okay.

Details

• Soft EVA lychee-texture foam – light, bouncy, and anti-responsibility
• Bubble-cluster sole for unmatched comfort and passive-aggressive joy
• Includes assorted cartoon charms – because therapy’s expensive
• Slip-on design – no laces, no effort, no problems
• Unisex fit – sized for all genders and all levels of existential fatigue

Because even your shelf deserves a proper send-off.

The Coffin Dancer Figurine immortalizes one of humanity’s greatest memes — the Ghanaian pallbearers who danced their way into our hearts and timelines. Perfect for your desk, your coffin, or as a subtle reminder that life’s short, so you might as well go out with rhythm.

Each figure set is crafted from durable PVC and comes in two styles:

• Standing: ready to march your bad decisions to their final resting place
• Kneeling: taking a much-deserved break between funerals

Give your office, car dashboard, or roommate’s shrine that tasteful mix of tragedy and groove.

Details

– Made from durable, high-quality PVC

– Height: approx. 10 cm (standing) / 5 cm (kneeling)

– Available in two styles: Standing or Kneeling

– Lightweight, detailed, and perfectly meme-proportioned

– The only funeral décor that sparks joy