This shirt doesn’t just tolerate gluten — it funds it.

A chaotic military collage of bread, beer, tanks, and tactical bombers, this is the official uniform of a man who orders garlic knots as a pre-appetizer to his appetizer.

Perfect for anyone who:

• Laughs in the face of dietary restrictions

• Drinks three beers before asking “Is there gluten in this?”

• Still talks about how good the Olive Garden breadsticks were in 2009

This is wheat-based masculinity. This is war crime cuisine. This is Gluten Tolerant.

Details:

• 95% polyester / 5% spandex — stretchier than your colon after breadsticks

• Graphic features jets, beer, bread, and vehicles of war

• Printed loud enough to get banned from Whole Foods

• For indoor and combat bakery use

A hat. But also: a statement, a defense mechanism, a war crime waiting to happen.

This isn’t just headwear. This is a classified object disguised as civilian apparel. Equipped with two permanently affixed ocular shields (non-functional, extremely intimidating), the Goggle Recon Cap makes you look like you’re on leave from a steampunk moon war—and you only came back to buy batteries.

Choose your color based on your current mental state:

• Black – stealth mode activated

• Beige – undercover suburban ops

• Yellow – tactical optimism

• Green – photosynthesize and destroy

Wear it forwards to look insane. Wear it backwards to look unapproachable. Either way, nobody’s making eye contact.

Details:

• 100% cotton, unless it’s not

• built-in goggles that do nothing but everything

• adjustable back strap for when your head’s full of secrets

• available in multiple shades of emotional instability

Looks like cereal.

Feels like sativa.

The “Good Moods” hat is a subtle nod to the two things keeping us alive in this economy:

weed and nostalgia. Stitched in Fruit Loops energy with a peace sign hand that says,

“Yeah, I’m high, but I’m polite about it.”

• Red dome, black brim — like your eyes after two hits

• Adjustable fit, one size fits all cartoon burnout heads

• Puffy embroidered text straight from the cereal aisle in 1994

• Best worn while forgetting what you walked into the room for

Whether you’re hitting the dispensary or the deli, this hat brings the vibes.

You’re not lazy — you’re in a good mood.

Your music deserves a case as unhinged as your playlist.

The Grenade AirPods Case keeps your buds safe while letting everyone know you’re one missed text away from detonation. Crafted from soft silicone that’s durable enough to survive drops, parties, and the emotional fallout of your 3 a.m. decisions.

It’s shockproof, dustproof, and suspicious enough to get you pulled aside at airport security. Basically, it’s perfect.

Details

– Fits Apple AirPods Pro

– Made of soft, durable silicone that can handle rage-drops and hangovers

– Includes detachable carabiner for “combat readiness”

– Opens easily but refuses to die

– Protects your AirPods from scratches, impact, and your general instability

Description
Socks with attachment issues — literally.

These absurdly affectionate foot tubes come with magnetized mini hands that clasp together like a clingy couple at a high school dance. Bonus: googly eyes that silently judge everyone you walk past. Perfect for lovers, loners, coworkers, and cryptids alike.

Just don’t wash them near your phone or your boundaries.

Features

• ✋ Magnetic palms for spontaneous public hand-holding

• 👀 Googly eyes included (the silent kind of judgment)

• 🧵 Hand-sewn, hand-wash — because love is fragile

• 👣 One size fits most humans (US Women’s 4–8 or kids 8+)

Details

• Material: Cotton/poly blend + unearned intimacy

• Care: Hand-wash only, dry boundaries flat

• Style: Unisex novelty socks

• Includes: 1 pair (2 socks, 4 hands, endless regret)

For those who treat hunger like a medical emergency.

The Hangry First Aid Lunch Box is your portable survival kit for the moments between “I’m fine” and “someone’s about to get hurt.” Built tough enough to survive office politics, road trips, or whatever the hell your kids are doing in the back seat, it’s insulated, waterproof, and designed to prevent full-scale emotional collapse.

Throw in your snacks, your dignity, and maybe a Capri Sun for later. This isn’t just a lunch box — it’s crisis management with a zipper.

Perfect for coworkers, gym rats, parents, or anyone one missed meal away from becoming a headline.

Details

• Insulated interior – keeps food cold and tempers stable
• Durable polyester shell – handles crumbs, chaos, and confrontation
• Mesh side pocket – for water bottles or passive-aggressive notes
• Front zipper pocket – for utensils, secrets, or candy bribes
• Detachable strap – carry it like your emotional baggage
• Easy to clean – just like your browser history

Finally, a pacifier that says, “My baby’s ready for NASCAR.”

The Hillbilly Baby Pacifier is a comedy classic in baby form. Complete with a set of charmingly crooked teeth, this bad boy transforms your little angel into the poster child for questionable genetics. Whether you’re showing up to a baby shower, trolling your in-laws, or just want your newborn to make their comedy debut early — this pacifier delivers.

Made of safe, soft silicone and built for laughs, it’s the perfect mix of practical and unholy.

Details

– Made from food-grade silicone (safe, hilarious, and weirdly realistic)

– Perfect for baby showers, gag gifts, or cursed photo ops

– Fits standard newborn to toddler mouths

– Easy to clean (unlike your life choices)

– Guaranteed to horrify at least one family member