Do not fear the man who wears 10,000 T-shirts. Fear the man who wears one T-shirt… and it’s this one.

The “Ask Me About My Ninja Disguise” shirt is a stealthy masterclass in deception, confusion, and physical comedy. Designed for maximum dad energy, birthday-party chaos, or a completely uncalled-for trip to Home Depot. 

Perfect for when you want strangers to know you’re mysterious, but also kind of approachable.

Lift the shirt. Become the ninja. Return to your normal suburban life like nothing happened.

Details

• Material: Cotton (for silent movement)

• Print: Hidden ninja mask inside the shirt (you know what to do)

• Fit: True to size unless you’re trying to bulk for stealth

• Sizing: Adult and kid options available for intergenerational stealth operations

• Wash instructions: Cold wash. Hang dry. Disappear.

This shirt is a war crime against good taste and we’re proud of that.

Somewhere off the coast of whatever planet this is, laser-eyed cats ride interstellar dolphins through a sea of Bud Light while a rainbow blasts through the skull of a cosmic feline god. There’s also a pirate ship, a fish-cat hybrid, and what might be Bill Murray. We stopped asking questions around draft seven.

Perfect for:

• beer-in-the-hot-tub philosophers

• dolphin truthers

• anyone who’s ever said “it’s a vibe” and meant it

Printed using digital soul transfer technology (probably polyester). Wear it to your cousin’s wedding. Or your trial.

Finally, a shirt brave enough to ask:

What if your chin had testicles?

Introducing the Ball Chin Tee — a no-nuance, full-commitment visual gag that will ruin family dinners, job interviews, and any chance of being taken seriously ever again. This is not a joke. It is a lifestyle.

Whether you’re trying to confuse your in-laws, destroy a first impression, or win a game of shirts vs. skins by default… this shirt makes sure nobody wins.

It’s hairy. It’s dangly. It’s your new favorite shirt.

Details:

• 100% regrettable

• Super slim fit — tucks tight into your trauma

• Long sleeve… in theory (but it’s a short sleeve shirt, like your patience)

• Smooth cotton blend that hugs the boys

• Screenprinted so your chin bag stays high resolution at every BBQ

This isn’t a joke. It’s a legal workaround with sleeves.

The lawyers said we couldn’t print the name of the painkiller that allegedly affects brain development—so we didn’t. We simply admitted to taking something, and left the rest to your imagination (and your search history).

This shirt does all the talking for you. It’s your silent, legally compliant cry for patience. When you walk into a room, everyone already knows:

• You took something.

• It was name-brand.

• And it may have changed you forever.

Think of it as a court-approved confession in cotton.
Not merch. Not fashion. A compliance garment for the chemically altered.

A shirt so unhinged it makes eye contact with your soul.

Featuring a council of opossums who clearly know something you don’t — probably ancient pickup techniques passed down through a lineage of abandoned Quiznos parking lots.

Is it satire? Is it autobiography? Is it a trap?

Yes.

Details :

• Premium opossum-grade cotton

• Vintage chrome font with 2009 internet energy

• Slight scent of trashcan romance baked in

• Comes pre-loaded with confusing charisma

For the chefs, the parents, the meal preppers — and anyone who’s just done pretending dinner is fun.

This shirt captures that exact moment when you open the fridge, stare at half a tomato and an expired yogurt, and realize the only thing you’re cooking tonight is your sanity.

A tragic masterpiece of burnout, served medium rare.

Some nights you eat. Some nights you simply… stop.

Details

• Depressed rat graphic – Michelin star in despair
• Soft cotton blend – perfect for collapsing face-down post-meal
• Unisex fit – for everyone who’s emotionally sautéed
• Minimalist text, maximalist cry for help
• Great for cooks, students, service workers, and anyone who’s “had enough” since 2017
• Pairs beautifully with unwashed dishes and intrusive thoughts

The perfect shirt for anyone who thinks “good morning” is a threat.

This tee isn’t just a joke — it’s a lawsuit waiting to happen. Modeled after America’s favorite donut empire, but with way more hostility, this logo ripoff is equal parts legal gray area and middle school cafeteria energy.

Pairs best with iced coffee, side-eye, and zero shame.

Details

• Printed parody logo – aggressively stupid in the best way
• 100% cotton – soft enough for sleeping, disrespectful enough for brunch
• Unisex fit – works for him, her, and whoever’s yelling “GOT EEM” in the parking lot
• Pullover crewneck style – no effort, maximum effect
• Available in white or black – choose your flavor of chaos
• Ideal for group chats, failed job interviews, and first dates that go too well