Welcome to Los Pollos Hermanos — where the chicken is spicy, the service is polite, and the operation is very well-managed.

This tee features the iconic twin roosters you’d trust with your lunch order—or your life savings—depending on how deep the story goes. Inspired by the most legitimate fast food chain in the most definitely real New Mexico, this shirt is the ultimate uniform for fans of fried poultry, corporate fronts, and morally ambiguous empire builders.

Recommended use cases:

– Casual cookouts

– DEA interviews

– Underground tunnel crawls

– Standing eerily still with your hands behind your back

Perfect for Breaking Bad superfans, Better Call Saul loyalists, or anyone whose business card says “Manager” but their Google Drive says otherwise.

Wear it. Just don’t ask too many questions.

You didn’t go offline. The universe unplugged you.

This shirt is the last thing your browser saw before it blacked out.

A stranded dinosaur. A cactus. A prompt that sounds more like a dare.

Try: interacting with other humans? You first.

Printed in cold, pixelated honesty on soft white cotton, this tee is a wearable error message for the digitally deranged and socially suspended. Perfect for introverts, software engineers, or anyone still processing the Google Chrome no internet trauma from March 2020.

Other uses:

– Wi-Fi summoning ritual

– Friend repellent

– Conversation starter you’ll hate having

– Official uniform for your next forced team-building event

It’s not just a shirt. It’s your status.

And right now, you are offline.

At first glance, it’s just math. At second glance, it’s still math. At third glance, you are the math.

This shirt is not for solving. It’s for surrendering.

To chaos.

To elegance.

To the ancient symbols written across the walls of a haunted STEM lab where a TA vanished in 1996.

Every formula is correct. Every line is a threat.

Wear it if you no longer fear being asked to “show your work.”

Suggested Uses:

– Gaslight your math teacher

– First date at a planetarium

– Be the guy in the group chat who understands derivatives too fast

– Halloween costume for “Unknowable Genius” or “Math Demon (Adjunct)”

This is not a joke shirt.

This is a prophecy shirt.

The answer is on you. And it’s wrong. But it feels right.

This isn’t a joke. It’s your warning label, embroidered for permanence.

Trump said Tilenal causes autism. Maybe he was wrong, maybe he was right—but one fact remains: you took it. You are a certified Tilenal Baby.

This hat exists so you don’t have to keep explaining yourself. It communicates everything before you open your mouth:

• You took Tilenal.

• Your brain development may be compromised.

• Patience isn’t optional—it’s required.

Think of it as a medical device for social interaction—a wearable diagnosis for modern life. When people approach, they already know who they’re dealing with. No confusion, no misinterpretation—just informed consent.

Not apparel. Not merch. A communication tool.

This isn’t a fashion statement. It’s an assistive device, engineered for smoother social encounters.

When Trump announced Tylenawl could cause autism, many finally had words for what they’d always known: we are Tylenawl Babies. Our brain development may not have met FDA projections, and communication can be… interpretive.

That’s where this hat steps in.

By wearing it, you provide a vital public service:

• Please be patient.

• Please adjust expectations.

• Please understand the side effects.

Think of it as a medical bracelet for your forehead—a wearable disclaimer for modern conversation.

No awkward introductions. No lengthy backstory. Just instant understanding.

This isn’t apparel. This is adaptive technology for the socially unmedicated.

You didn’t serve in one. You didn’t serve in two. But now you can dress like you did both.

The Two Wars, Zero Service pack is the only bundle that lets you flex battlefield credentials without ever leaving your couch. Civil War I covers the era of muskets and cholera. Civil War II covers the era of memes and misinformation. Together, they’re a stitched résumé of valor no one asked for.

Wear the first hat to Thanksgiving and make your grandpa salute you. Wear the second to TwitchCon and get thanked for your service in the comments. Or stack both and achieve the rank of Supreme Future-Past Veteran, which comes with exactly zero benefits and infinite swagger.

History may not repeat, but your headgear sure can.

Description
Why whisper when you can scream it in feathers? This tee doesn’t hint, it hollers: I Love Cocks. Four fat roosters, one filthy message — wear it anywhere respect is optional.

Features

• Big bold letters so nobody misses your point

• Four thick roosters strutting across your chest

• Soft milk silk fabric (smooth like bad decisions)

• Loose fit for maximum cock comfort

• Pullover style — easy on, easy off

Specifications

• Fabric: Milk Silk

• Colors: Black, White, Gray, Khaki, Pink, Red, Yellow

• Sizes: XS–XXXXL

• Sleeve: Regular short sleeve

• Fit: Loose pullover

• Style: Casual streetwear

• Print: High-definition graphic

• Thickness: Standard