Inner peace? Never heard of her.

But this shirt might help.

Channel your chaotic enlightenment with the only spiritual advice that actually works.

Equal parts ancient wisdom and modern meltdown recovery.

• Zen-core graphic Buddha print

• 100% pure cotton with a hint of irreverence

• Comes in enough colors to match every chakra or mood swing

• Short sleeve, straight fit – calm on the outside, spiraling on the inside

• Perfect for meditation, meditation avoidance, or telling Cheryl in HR to chill

Warning: You may begin to radiate ironic peace and petty tranquility.

Remember when they told you to stay drug-free? Well, they were right — but not for the reasons they thought.

This shirt is a financial PSA. Inflation hits everything, including your dealer.

Wear this to your next cookout, court date, or high school reunion.

• Retro anti-drug parody shirt
• 95% polyester, 5% spandex = stretchy truth fabric
• Short sleeve, unisex fit
• Position-printed graphic for maximum wallet pain visibility
• Party-friendly, wallet-unfriendly
  
  

Warning: May trigger old health teachers and bankrupt drug dealers.

This is what happens when you go a little too goofy.

One minute you’re being a little silly… the next, you’re in a government-funded laugh facility.

This shirt is a cautionary tale, a confession, and a threat.

Printed in HD on soft “milk silk” that feels like you’re being gently restrained by a cloud.

• Unisex fit for emotionally unstable boys and girls

• Short sleeve

• Sillycore approved

• Limited release from Weird Castle

Wear it when you’re not legally allowed to be funny anymore.

Embroidery loud. Ambition low. The Do Nothing Club Hat is your official uniform for giving up—in style. Featuring blood-red lettering and a lonely palm tree that screams “I’m emotionally on vacation,” this hat is ideal for beach bums, burnout victims, fake retirees, and anyone who’s simply out of spoons.

Sun-shading? Yes. Life-affirming? Maybe. Productivity-enhancing? Absolutely not.

Join the club. Or don’t. We literally don’t care.

Details

• 100% cotton, breathable and judgment-free

• Machine embroidery, so the laziness lasts forever

• Adjustable strap – one size fits all who’ve given up

• Available in black, khaki, or white (if you’re feeling ironic)

• Ideal for vacations, mental breakdowns, and slow walks to nowhere

This shirt says what your face won’t.

Minimal on the front. Catastrophic on the side. Perfect for anyone who insists they’re “just tired” while actively hemorrhaging emotionally, physically, or both. Whether you’re going through a breakup, a work crisis, or the apocalypse, this shirt lets everyone know: you’re definitely not fine.

But you said it, so legally they can’t ask.

Details

• Plain front text: “I’m fine.” – the most common lie in history
• Blood splatter graphic on side/hip – dramatic, passive-aggressive, and medically concerning
• Ash gray base – just like your soul
• Heavyweight cotton – so your breakdown is at least breathable
• Great for Halloween, therapy, or the group chat exit

Your hate is my foreplay.

This hat isn’t for the likable. It’s for the dangerously radiant. The walking eye-roll. The main character who shows up late and somehow still wins. If you’re the kind of person who gets blocked before they even follow back — this hat’s your halo.

Because if they’re mad, you’re doing it right.

Details

• Bold black text on a white foam front – confrontational, clean
• Yellow mesh trucker build – blinding, like your aura
• Curved brim – for throwing shade in all directions
• Adjustable snapback – one size fits all the delusional
• Breathable structure – so you don’t sweat their feelings
• Comes fully loaded with main character syndrome

This isn’t a hat. It’s a diagnosis.

If your kid puts this thing on, there’s a 97% chance they’ll be running full speed into traffic, screaming about chaos emeralds and disrespecting every adult in a 2-mile radius. It’s not a phase — it’s a lifestyle powered by fruit snacks and rage.

Do not give this hat to a calm child. They won’t survive it.

Details

• Sonic-style blue mesh trucker with 3D felt spikes
• Built-in disrespect for authority
• Lightweight and breathable — optimized for laps around a Chili’s
• Sturdy polyester build — survives skids, crashes, and snack time tantrums
• Snapback fit for ages 8–11, or adults who peaked emotionally in 1998
• Hair spikes may cause attitude