Description
Why whisper when you can scream it in feathers? This tee doesn’t hint, it hollers: I Love Cocks. Four fat roosters, one filthy message — wear it anywhere respect is optional.

Features

• Big bold letters so nobody misses your point

• Four thick roosters strutting across your chest

• Soft milk silk fabric (smooth like bad decisions)

• Loose fit for maximum cock comfort

• Pullover style — easy on, easy off

Specifications

• Fabric: Milk Silk

• Colors: Black, White, Gray, Khaki, Pink, Red, Yellow

• Sizes: XS–XXXXL

• Sleeve: Regular short sleeve

• Fit: Loose pullover

• Style: Casual streetwear

• Print: High-definition graphic

• Thickness: Standard

Description
Skip the chasers, go straight to chaos. This tee says what you won’t whisper: I Don’t Drink, Just Drugs. Perfect for parties, festivals, and ruining small talk.

Features

• Loose fit for maximum comfort (and plausible deniability)

• 100% cotton for breathable bad decisions

• Short sleeves for hot clubs or hotter messes

• Unisex design — chaos is for everyone

• Durable print that outlasts the afterparty

Specifications

• Fabric: Cotton

• Colors: Gray, Khaki, Pink, White

• Sizes: XS–XXXL

• Sleeve: Regular short sleeve

• Fit: Loose pullover

• Style: Japanese/Korean casual

• Print: High-quality graphic

• Thickness: Standard

Description
For the man, woman, or cryptid who refuses to play coy. This tee makes it official: you love pussy. Cats, obviously. (Mostly.)

Features

• Soft, breathable cotton — because you’ll get hot wearing this

• Unisex fit for lovers of all kinds

• Comes in more colors than your ex’s mood swings

• Guaranteed conversation starter (and sometimes ender)

• Cats front and center — subtlety is extinct

Specifications

• Fabric: Cotton

• Colors: Black, White, Gray, Pink, Red

• Sizes: XS–XXXL

• Sleeve: Regular short sleeve

• Fit: Loose pullover

• Style: Casual unisex

• Print: High-quality graphic

• Thickness: Standard

Description
Some shirts make a statement. This one makes people squint: “Why is there a shrimp on your chest?” Answer: scoliosis.

Features

• 100% cotton comfort for all-day ridiculousness

• Perfectly curved shrimp design (tiny seafood hammock vibes)

• Conversation starter that nobody asked for

• Unisex sizing from S–XXXL (Asian sizing — order up)

• Works for barbecues, seafood aisles, or marine biology majors

Specifications

• Fabric: Cotton

• Colors: Black, White, Gray, Pink

• Sizes: S–XXXL

• Sleeve: Regular short sleeve

• Fit: Loose pullover

• Style: Casual unisex

• Print: High-quality graphic

• Thickness: Standard

You served in the Civil War. You were definitely there. This shirt proves it. All-over printed with crossed muskets, “Civil War Veteran” on front, and “Proudly Served” on back — because if you’re going to lie about your military record, you might as well commit to it with your entire torso.

The Civil War Veteran Tee is a full-body declaration of service you never rendered in a war that ended 160+ years ago. It’s loud, it’s all-over print, and it will generate more confused stares per square inch than any other garment in your closet.

Features

• All-over sublimation print — your fake service record covers every angle
• Crossed muskets front graphic — the universal symbol for “I definitely fought in this”
• “CIVIL WAR VETERAN” front text — in case anyone was wondering
• “PROUDLY SERVED” back text — for when you walk away from conversations you can’t win
• Sizes XS–XXXXL — fake valor comes in every size

Specifications

• Print method: All-over sublimation
• Material: Lightweight performance fabric
• Fit: Unisex, standard
• Sizes: XS, S, M, L, XL, XXL, XXXL, XXXXL
• Fulfillment: Print-on-demand via Printify

What You’re Getting

A t-shirt that turns your entire body into a monument to a war you didn’t fight in. Pair it with the Civil War Veteran Hat for full dress uniform status. Or wear it alone and let people figure it out.

Returns + Exchanges

We accept returns within 30 days. Shirt must be unworn and in original condition. Your imaginary service record remains on file permanently.

This isn't just a pump cover — it's a life philosophy backed by a jacked demigod, flaming Benjamins, and a fiscal policy your CPA will refuse to acknowledge in a court of law. When your deadlift PR is higher than your taxable income, congratulations: you've entered the Department of Swolenomics, where the only bracket that matters is the weight bracket.

The Fine Print (please do not show this to the IRS):

• Designed for max reps and minimal audits
• Suitable for offshore lifting sessions and offshore everything else
• Libertarians with creatine habits will feel personally seen
• Filing taxes is a personality flaw and this shirt says so, legally, on your body
• The jacked demigod is not a licensed financial advisor. Neither are you. That's the point.

100% breathable cotton (untraceable by IRS scanners), available in S–XXXL across 9 corruptible colorways. Fits loose enough for bulking season, structured enough to flex through an audit. A genuinely solid gym shirt with a genuinely suspicious graphic — for gym bros, meatheads, libertarians, and anyone who treats leg day and W-2s with equal contempt.

Nobody knows what's happening here. That's not a bug. The AUTISM tee arrives fully unannounced — flaming font, breakdancing skeleton of ambiguous coordination, layout that communicates "I contain multitudes and also chaos" without once asking if that's okay with you. It is not asking. It will not ask.

Fine Print (please skim chaotically):

• Features a skeleton who may or may not be breakdancing — coroner's report still pending
• The font is on fire because regular fonts weren't doing enough
• Neurodivergent energy: pre-installed, non-removable
• Wildly misunderstood by design — this is a feature, not a defect
• May cause double takes, unsolicited opinions, and strangers pointing
• Not a medically approved educational resource (we checked)
• Does pair well with hyperfixations, sensory-friendly fabric choices, and being aggressively yourself

Unisex fit, sizes S–XXXL, breathable polyester mesh, sublimation print that hits as hard in person as it does in the thumbnail. Weird, proud, and built for anyone who wears their identity like a flaming graphic tee — which is to say, loudly and without apology.