Description
Skip the chasers, go straight to chaos. This tee says what you won’t whisper: I Don’t Drink, Just Drugs. Perfect for parties, festivals, and ruining small talk.

Features

• Loose fit for maximum comfort (and plausible deniability)

• 100% cotton for breathable bad decisions

• Short sleeves for hot clubs or hotter messes

• Unisex design — chaos is for everyone

• Durable print that outlasts the afterparty

Specifications

• Fabric: Cotton

• Colors: Gray, Khaki, Pink, White

• Sizes: XS–XXXL

• Sleeve: Regular short sleeve

• Fit: Loose pullover

• Style: Japanese/Korean casual

• Print: High-quality graphic

• Thickness: Standard

Description
For the man, woman, or cryptid who refuses to play coy. This tee makes it official: you love pussy. Cats, obviously. (Mostly.)

Features

• Soft, breathable cotton — because you’ll get hot wearing this

• Unisex fit for lovers of all kinds

• Comes in more colors than your ex’s mood swings

• Guaranteed conversation starter (and sometimes ender)

• Cats front and center — subtlety is extinct

Specifications

• Fabric: Cotton

• Colors: Black, White, Gray, Pink, Red

• Sizes: XS–XXXL

• Sleeve: Regular short sleeve

• Fit: Loose pullover

• Style: Casual unisex

• Print: High-quality graphic

• Thickness: Standard

Description
Some shirts make a statement. This one makes people squint: “Why is there a shrimp on your chest?” Answer: scoliosis.

Features

• 100% cotton comfort for all-day ridiculousness

• Perfectly curved shrimp design (tiny seafood hammock vibes)

• Conversation starter that nobody asked for

• Unisex sizing from S–XXXL (Asian sizing — order up)

• Works for barbecues, seafood aisles, or marine biology majors

Specifications

• Fabric: Cotton

• Colors: Black, White, Gray, Pink

• Sizes: S–XXXL

• Sleeve: Regular short sleeve

• Fit: Loose pullover

• Style: Casual unisex

• Print: High-quality graphic

• Thickness: Standard

Description
“Sorry, Mr. President, the roof was too slippery!”

On July 13th, 2024, the Secret Service skipped securing a rooftop because of slope concerns… and we all know how that ended. The Rooftop Rookies Tee turns that blunder into wearable satire — soft cotton, sharp humor, and the kind of disbelief you can’t wash out.

Features

• Comfort Colors 1717 tee – 100% ring-spun US cotton

• Medium weight (6.1 oz/yd²) – breathable, slope-proof durability

• Relaxed fit & crew neckline – chaos casual or irony chic

• Pre-shrunk – holds shape, unlike government excuses

• Ethically grown US cotton – US Cotton Trust Protocol certified

Specifications

• Product Type: Unisex T-shirt

• Material: 100% ring-spun US cotton

• Weight: 6.1 oz/yd² (medium weight)

• Fit: Relaxed, crew neck

• Sizes: S–3XL (select at checkout)

• Care: Machine wash cold, tumble dry low

Description
You’ve done your time — just not in this timeline. The Civil War Veteran Tee honors a war no one alive remembers but everyone still argues about. With bold crossed muskets on the front, “Civil War Veteran” + “Proudly Served” on the back, and enough irony to last another century of family feuds, it’s a uniform for the historically unhinged.

Features

• 100% brushed polyester – silky, breathable, battle-ready

• Lightweight comfort (5.16 oz/yd²) – won’t weigh you down like cannon fire

• Fade & shrink resistant – unlike history textbooks

• Expert cut & sew construction – made for imaginary honor

• Inside collar print – no itchy tags, no deserters

• Seam thread auto-matched to design

• Weird Castle insignia on back hem + sleeve logo

Specifications

• Product Type: Unisex T-shirt

• Material: 100% brushed polyester

• Weight: 5.16 oz/yd² (175 g/m²)

• Fit: Regular

• Sizes: S–3XL (select at checkout)

• Care: Machine wash cold, tumble dry low

• Origin: Assembled in the USA from globally sourced parts

Description
This isn’t just a pump cover — it’s a life philosophy.

When your deadlift PR is higher than your taxable income, you’ve entered a new bracket: the Department of Swolenomics. Built for max reps and minimal audits, this shirt features a jacked demigod flanked by flaming Benjamins and a fiscal policy your CPA won’t endorse.

Whether you’re skipping leg day or your W-2, make a statement in breathable cotton that screams limited liability.

Perfect For

• Gym bros with offshore accounts

• Libertarians with creatine habits

• Anyone who considers filing taxes a personality flaw

Details

• Fabric: 100% breathable cotton, untraceable by IRS scanners

• Fit: Loose enough for bulking, tight enough for flexing

• Design: Jacked demigod + flaming Benjamins

• Colors: 9 corruptible shades (consult your accountant, or don’t)

• Sizes: S–XXXL (all equally suspicious)

Description
We don’t know what’s going on here either — and that’s the point.

The AUTISM tee is peak chaos: a flaming font, a breakdancing (?) skeleton, and a layout that screams “neurodivergent energy” without asking for permission or clarification. It’s weird, proud, and aggressively unserious — just like most of us.

Perfect For

• Fans of absurdist memewear

• Unfiltered spectrum humor

• Anyone who likes their identity with a side of flaming skeletons

Details

• Fit: Unisex, spectrum-wide

• Material: Breathable polyester mesh (ironically chill)

• Print: Flaming font + dancing skeleton of questionable coordination

• Sizes: S–XXXL

• Notes: Wildly misunderstood by design, may cause public double takes

• Disclaimer: Definitely not a medically approved educational tool