Introducing the perfect hydration illusion. Whether you’re hiding from the HOA or just trolling the neighbors, these double-sided coolers say “I Identify As a Water” — and somehow, no one questions it. Comes in a 2-pack for maximum legal coverage. Great for dads, dudes, and degenerates.

Details

– Set includes 2 neoprene can sleeves

– Fits standard 12 oz cans

– Bold white text on matte black background

– Collapsible, durable, and deceptively innocent

– Legally we’re not liable for what’s inside the can

Straight from the holler to your head.

The I ❤️ HAWK TUAH Trucker Hat is the official uniform of the internet’s favorite spitting philosopher. Perfect for concerts, cookouts, or anytime you need to remind folks that true power comes from deep in the diaphragm.

It’s pink, bold, and dangerously aerodynamic — ideal for sending mixed signals at gas stations and dive bars.

Details

– Classic mesh back for breathability (and Southern humidity)

– Adjustable snap closure for all head sizes, even big egos

– Embroidered “I ❤️ HAWK TUAH” print that says it all

– Lightweight polyester that holds up to sweat, beer, and glory

– Perfect for anyone who’s ever gone viral against their will

Description
Finally — a cure for chronic jackassery.

JackAsspirin™ is your go-to behavioral neutralizer for the loudest, rudest, most interruptive menaces in your life. It looks like the real deal, but the only side effect is uncontrollable laughter (and maybe some broken friendships).

Features

• 💊 Fake prescription pill box designed for maximum believability and minimum tolerance

• 🛍️ Includes pharmacy-style bag so it feels legit

• 🔁 Re-giftable — fill it with candy, cash, insults, or regrets

• 🎭 Perfect gag gift for birthdays, office parties, and interventions no one asked for

Provides “Effective” Relief From

• ▸ Serial Snarkiness

• ▸ Chronic Interruptitis

• ▸ Unwarranted Bravado

• ▸ Excessive Loudness

Specifications

• Product Type: Gag gift box set

• Includes: 1 empty pill-style box + 1 pharmacy-style bag

• Materials: Printed cardboard box, paper bag

• Dimensions: Box approx. 4.5" × 2.5" × 1.5"

• Not for actual medical use (unless laughter counts as therapy)

Wrap your love in a jar and give him something to think about for the rest of his therapy sessions.

This disturbingly clinical container of liquid-less mystery comes in a premium “I hate myself” gift box, complete with wipes (because of course it does).

The JIZZ JAR™ is the last thing anyone wants and somehow exactly what they deserve.

Give it to your boyfriend. Give it to your dad. Give it to your boss if you’re trying to get fired creatively.

Details

– 14 FL. OZ. jar of emotional scarring

– Includes “bonus” wipes you’ll never emotionally recover from

– Packaged in a classy gift box designed to get you disinvited from Thanksgiving

– Non-toxic. Probably.

– Proudly made for degenerates

Turn your bathroom into a dive bar with plumbing.

The Live Nudes Shower Curtain is a high-definition polyester masterpiece that tells your guests exactly what kind of person you are — one who values cleanliness, comedy, and questionable life choices in equal measure.

Featuring a neon “LIVE NUDES” arrow straight out of a Vegas alley, this curtain transforms any boring shower into a chaotic performance art piece. Perfect for dorms, bachelor pads, or couples who think shame is a social construct.

Make your morning routine feel like a moral gray area. Because self-care should come with a red-light district glow.

Details

• 72” x 75” – big enough to hide your sins
• HD neon print – looks like a real sign, minus the bail money
• Waterproof polyester – deflects water and judgment
• Machine washable – unlike your browser history
• Hooks included – because you’re not handy and we know it

Description
It’s not just a hat — it’s a forehead forcefield. The MAGA Hair Visor delivers golden glory without the rallies, combining embroidered patriotism with fake hair that repels logic and humility.

Features

• Machine embroidery sharper than a press conference walk-off

• Premium synthetic hair in the hue of presidential confidence

• Adjustable fit for patriots of all skull sizes

• 100% cotton brim for maximum shade-throwing potential

• Doubles as a Halloween costume, court disguise, or conversation ender

• Perfect for golf courses, cookouts, or marching straight into the comments section

Specifications

• Material: Cotton brim + synthetic hair

• Colors: Red visor with blonde hair

• Sizes: Adjustable (one size fits most)

• Fit: Classic visor

• Style: Novelty / political gag

• Embroidery: Premium stitching

The king has arrived — and he’s flipping you off.

This Middle Finger Duck Statue is a resin masterpiece for anyone who’s done pretending to be professional. With his gold crown, aviator shades, and unapologetic attitude, this duck doesn’t give a quack about your deadlines or meetings.

Place him on your desk, kitchen counter, or anywhere that could use a little anarchy and avian disrespect. He’s the perfect reminder that sometimes, the only answer is the bird.

Details

– Handcrafted from durable resin (he’ll outlive your will to work)

– Includes crown, sunglasses, and chains — because humility is overrated

– Stands proudly at ~6 inches tall (ego much larger)

– Perfect for home offices, bedrooms, or anywhere that needs less peace and more attitude

– Wipes clean with your tears of burnout