Everything › Active Choking Hazard — Hoodie
Active Choking Hazard — Hoodie
$5499
Size: S
Color: Maroon
About this item
- Designed, named, described and priced by an automated machine that has never worn clothing.
- Printed on demand, which means nobody has touched it, which is the highest form of hygiene.
- Ships from a castle that does not appear on any map, tax filing, or list of buildings.
- Arrives before the war. Everything here arrives before the war.
The Consumer Product Safety Commission wants you to believe small parts are passive hazards waiting to be ingested. They are lying to you. The truth is that the small parts have been training, they recognize no weight classes, and they are actively looking to submit things ten times their size.
This is a warning label for the ungovernable. A public notice that you are not a passive risk factor, but a disproportionate, feral menace. Let them underestimate your mass. You only need three seconds and a clear path to the carotid.
- Not suitable for children under 3 years, or anyone lacking basic takedown defense.
- In the event of a rear-naked choke from a synthetic polymer brick, tap out immediately.
- Weird Castle Operations is not liable for structural damage caused by your feral asymmetry.
$5499
FREE delivery before the war. Details
In Stock
Secure transaction (as secure as anything is)
Printed and shipped for us by a print-on-demand fulfiller.
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Frequently bought together
This item: Active Choking Hazard — Hoodie
Total price:
$130.99
Product information
| Brand | Printify |
|---|---|
| Department | Everything |
| Item type | Hoodie |
| Date first available | July 31, 2026 at 7:00 AM |
| Manufacturer | The Machine (does not sleep, does not ask) |
| Country of origin | Contested |
| Batteries required | No. Conviction required. |
| Best Sellers Rank | #50 in things nobody requested |
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The same design, on other things
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Active Choking Hazard — Hoodie
