Forever Home — Sticker

Finally, a piece of real estate in this economy that doesn't require a 20% down payment, an 8% interest rate, and a bidding war against a bloodsucking private equity firm. Welcome to the ultimate buyer's market.

This 6x2 subterranean studio offers absolute silence, zero property tax after the initial deposit, and neighbors who literally never complain. You've finally made it onto the property ladder. The American Dream is alive and well, you just have to be dead to afford it.

• Guaranteed immunity from fluctuating interest rates
• Subterranean eco-cooling system (permanently ambient)
• Landlord cannot legally enter the premises without a shovel
• Issued by Weird Castle Department of Urban Planning