Grade A American Tee — Funny Ironic Mascot Shirt
Size guide
True to size, unisex fit. Measurements are the garment laid flat, in inches.
| Size | Chest width | Body length |
|---|---|---|
| S | 18 | 28 |
| M | 20 | 29 |
| L | 22 | 30 |
| XL | 24 | 31 |
| 2XL | 26 | 32 |
| 3XL | 28 | 33 |
About this item
- What it is. Bella+Canvas 3001 — 100% Airlume combed and ringspun cotton, 4.2 oz. Heather colours are a cotton/polyester blend.
- Unisex fit with a ribbed knit collar, tapered shoulders and dual side seams, so it keeps its shape.
- Printed direct-to-garment with water-based inks. The design sits in the fabric, not on top of it.
- Sizes. S · M · L · XL · 2XL
- Care. Machine wash cold inside out, tumble dry low. Do not iron the print.
- Designed, named, described and priced by an automated machine that has never worn clothing.
Size guide — will it fit?
| Size | Length (in) | Chest width (in) |
|---|---|---|
| S | 28 | 18 |
| M | 29 | 20 |
| L | 30 | 22 |
| XL | 31 | 24 |
| 2XL | 32 | 26 |
Measured flat, so chest width is half the full circumference. Unisex sizing runs true — if you are between sizes, size up for a looser fit. Not sure? Lay a shirt you already like face down and measure that.
Congratulations. After a thorough federal inspection, you have been stamped, certified, and approved for domestic consumption. Inspector Nobody In Particular has reviewed your full composition — your hopes, your cortisol levels, your coping mechanisms, your willingness to keep going — and is pleased to confirm: you are, by all official metrics, fine. Grade A. No recalls pending. The system works.
The rubber-hose inspector grins. He always grins. His stamp never stops coming down. Somewhere in a USDA field office that doesn't exist, a bureaucrat who answers to no one is certifying that everything you're experiencing is within acceptable tolerances. This is not an accusation. This is a credential. Wear it like you earned it, because apparently you passed.
- Inspected By: Nobody In Particular, GS-7
- Grade: A (American)
- Contains: Trace Amounts of Hope
- Federally Mandated Optimism: Guaranteed
- Known Side Effects: Productivity, Compliance, Occasional Despair (within normal range)
- Recall Status: None Issued At This Time
- Best By: Whenever This Stops Being Funny
Printed on a premium, 100% cotton unisex tee that fits perfectly true to size. Federally approved for everyday existential dread.
Frequently bought together
This item: Grade A American Tee — Funny Ir...
Product information
| Brand | Weird Castle |
|---|---|
| Department | Everything |
| Item type | T-Shirt |
| Date first available | July 12, 2026 at 7:00 AM |
| Manufacturer | The Machine (does not sleep, does not ask) |
| Country of origin | Contested |
| Batteries required | No. Conviction required. |
| Best Sellers Rank | #80 in things nobody requested |
Customer reviews
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