Property of D.O.D. Psychochemical Testing Division — MKUltra Tee

Lovingly rendered in the cheerful rubber-hose cartoon style of a more innocent era, this battered government-issue thermos graphic tee is presented with complete archival sincerity — paint chipped, label slightly faded, discovered in a surplus box marked DO NOT REDISTRIBUTE. It is not an accusation. It is a primary source. The CIA's MKUltra program (est. 1953, declassified reluctantly) dosed unwitting American citizens with LSD through the most mundane delivery vehicles imaginable: coffee cups, glasses of water, and yes, thermoses. The cute round cartoon object you are wearing on this dark humor conspiracy shirt is historically accurate. That's the whole joke. That's the whole horror.

The wearer is the guy who found this thermos. Maybe at an estate sale. Maybe in a government surplus warehouse in Maryland. Maybe it was just sitting in the break room with a sticky note that said "Dave's — do not touch." You don't know what was in it. Nobody does. That's literally what the documents say. "Contents Unknown" is the most technically honest label the United States government has ever produced, and it fits right there under the eagle.

• Program active: 1953–1973 (officially)
• Number of subjects who consented: classified as "not the point"
• Flavor profile: unknown, though test subjects reported the room breathing
• Status: declassified 1977 / lessons learned: none on record
• This item is surplus. Do not ask where it came from. Do not ask what happened to the previous owner.

Printed on a premium, wildly comfortable 100% cotton unisex tee. Fits true to size, perfect for deep dives into declassified PDFs at 4 AM.