This shirt is a war crime against good taste and we’re proud of that.

Somewhere off the coast of whatever planet this is, laser-eyed cats ride interstellar dolphins through a sea of Bud Light while a rainbow blasts through the skull of a cosmic feline god. There’s also a pirate ship, a fish-cat hybrid, and what might be Bill Murray. We stopped asking questions around draft seven.

Perfect for:

• beer-in-the-hot-tub philosophers

• dolphin truthers

• anyone who’s ever said “it’s a vibe” and meant it

Printed using digital soul transfer technology (probably polyester). Wear it to your cousin’s wedding. Or your trial.

Finally, a shirt brave enough to ask:

What if your chin had testicles?

Introducing the Ball Chin Tee — a no-nuance, full-commitment visual gag that will ruin family dinners, job interviews, and any chance of being taken seriously ever again. This is not a joke. It is a lifestyle.

Whether you’re trying to confuse your in-laws, destroy a first impression, or win a game of shirts vs. skins by default… this shirt makes sure nobody wins.

It’s hairy. It’s dangly. It’s your new favorite shirt.

Details:

• 100% regrettable

• Super slim fit — tucks tight into your trauma

• Long sleeve… in theory (but it’s a short sleeve shirt, like your patience)

• Smooth cotton blend that hugs the boys

• Screenprinted so your chin bag stays high resolution at every BBQ

This shirt doesn’t just tolerate gluten — it funds it.

A chaotic military collage of bread, beer, tanks, and tactical bombers, this is the official uniform of a man who orders garlic knots as a pre-appetizer to his appetizer.

Perfect for anyone who:

• Laughs in the face of dietary restrictions

• Drinks three beers before asking “Is there gluten in this?”

• Still talks about how good the Olive Garden breadsticks were in 2009

This is wheat-based masculinity. This is war crime cuisine. This is Gluten Tolerant.

Details:

• 95% polyester / 5% spandex — stretchier than your colon after breadsticks

• Graphic features jets, beer, bread, and vehicles of war

• Printed loud enough to get banned from Whole Foods

• For indoor and combat bakery use

Dead. Gay. Armed.

Finally, a shirt for people who wake up every morning and say “I love my country, my boyfriend, and the thrill of eternal damnation.”

Features the grim reaper holding two handguns like he just shot up the comment section of a men’s mental health video. Behind him: rage. Inside him: desire. Across the chest: truth.

This shirt is not for everyone. It’s for that one guy in your group chat who disappeared in 2019 and came back with a face tattoo and an Etsy store.

Wear it to:

• Ruin family photos

• Get kicked out of jury duty

• Come out at a gun show

• Win a fight with the sun

A shirt so wrong it might qualify as performance art.

Three nuns. One table. Cigarettes. Liquor. Playing cards.

What exactly is going on here? We don’t know, and frankly, we’re afraid to ask. All we know is it belongs on your chest immediately.

Looks like a grainy screenshot from a film the church tried to erase. Probably found in a shoebox marked “evidence.”

Product Details

• Color Options: Black, White, Red, Yellow, Dark Gray, Light Purple, Bubblegum, Khaki, and more

• Sizes: XS to XXXL

• Fit: Loose, like your morals

• Material: 100% cotton

• Print: High-contrast grayscale photo transfer. Slightly cursed.

The experiment’s over. The box is open. The cat?

Murderer.

This is Schrödinger’s cat if it got tired of waiting to be observed and took matters (and a knife) into its own paws. It’s not theoretical anymore — it’s personal.

Perfect for science nerds with a mean streak, goths who passed AP Physics, or anyone who thinks thought experiments should involve a little more blood.

Features a shadowy feline holding a knife like it knows something you don’t. Spoiler: it does.

Product Details:

• 100% cotton — because dead cats deserve breathable fabric

• Available in sinister BLACK, regret-blue BLUE, espresso-shot COFFEE, and radioactive YELLOW

• Short sleeve or long sleeve depending on the season of your villain arc

• Sizes S to 3XL — we don’t discriminate by mass

• Design printed loud and sharp like a scream from inside the box

• Soft enough to wear while contemplating the collapse of the wavefunction

Your date night just took a turn. He said “Netflix and chill” — you showed up in this shirt and pulled out a VHS tape labeled “DO NOT WATCH AFTER MIDNIGHT.”

The Let’s Watch Scary Movies tee is a wearable warning label. Vintage slasher energy. Midnight movie marathon aura. Perfect for horror fans, scream queens, and guys who still text “u up?” during a thunderstorm.

Features a knife-wielding ghost dude who’s DEFINITELY not licensed. He’s standing outside a cabin, possibly your cabin, possibly tonight.

Product Details:

• 100% cotton, soft enough to nap in after your fifth horror flick

• Screen-printed design that stares back at you

• Available in: “Final Girl Black”, “Basement Red”, “Police Will Never Believe You White”, and “Navy Because It’s Cheaper Than Black”

• Sizes XS to 4XL, because fear is universal

• Great for: movie nights, graveyard shifts, Halloween, being the weird one in your friend group