For when your people skills are running on 1%.

The My Social Battery Tee is the official uniform of introverts everywhere — the perfect shirt for surviving small talk, pretending to enjoy parties, or silently ghosting after two drinks. Each battery bar tells the story of your slow emotional decline from “let’s hang” to “please don’t.”

Soft, breathable, and painfully relatable. Whether you’re out with friends or recharging in total isolation, this shirt does the explaining so you don’t have to.

Details

• 100% cotton/poly blend (depending on your level of social anxiety)
• Unisex fit for humans and hermits alike
• Machine washable — but human interaction not included
• Available in navy, green, and yellow
• Printed front design: “My Social Battery – People / People / People / People”

Introducing the most revolutionary drink you’ll never drink.

Dehydrated Water is the world’s purest form of nothing — harvested from the imaginary glaciers of nowhere and sealed fresh in a metal can for your convenience. Just add water… not included (obviously).

Perfect for anyone who takes themselves too seriously, this can of air-adjacent hydration makes a hilarious stocking stuffer, office white-elephant gift, or minimalist survival kit. Warning: may cause confusion, laughter, and existential dread.

Whether you’re an athlete, a prepper, or just dehydrated emotionally — this is your new favorite beverage substitute.

Details

• 100% Organic, Vegan, Gluten-Free Nothing
• 0 Calories, 0 Sugar, 0 Everything
• World’s Lightest Drink™ – weighs less than your motivation
• Never expires – because there’s nothing to expire
• Perfect for parties, office desks, and people you secretly hate

For those who treat hunger like a medical emergency.

The Hangry First Aid Lunch Box is your portable survival kit for the moments between “I’m fine” and “someone’s about to get hurt.” Built tough enough to survive office politics, road trips, or whatever the hell your kids are doing in the back seat, it’s insulated, waterproof, and designed to prevent full-scale emotional collapse.

Throw in your snacks, your dignity, and maybe a Capri Sun for later. This isn’t just a lunch box — it’s crisis management with a zipper.

Perfect for coworkers, gym rats, parents, or anyone one missed meal away from becoming a headline.

Details

• Insulated interior – keeps food cold and tempers stable
• Durable polyester shell – handles crumbs, chaos, and confrontation
• Mesh side pocket – for water bottles or passive-aggressive notes
• Front zipper pocket – for utensils, secrets, or candy bribes
• Detachable strap – carry it like your emotional baggage
• Easy to clean – just like your browser history

The Couples Ugly Christmas Sweatshirts are for partners who’ve stopped trying but still want to appear festive for photos their children will one day delete.

These aren’t just sweaters — they’re public declarations that you’ve chosen codependency with a side of cinnamon. Embroidered with the classic “I’ve Been Naughty” and “I’ve Been Nice” combo, they’re the perfect gift for couples who bicker about thermostat settings and whose love language is passive aggression.

Wear them to family gatherings, office parties, or anywhere you want strangers to sense deep emotional tension wrapped in tinsel.

Because nothing says “holiday spirit” like matching polyester and mutual resentment.

Details

• Unisex fit — for couples who share everything but opinions
• Soft fleece interior — cozy enough to survive another in-law visit
• Classic holiday red + green — symbols of love, envy, and mild hangovers
• Machine washable — unlike your emotional damage
• Available in multiple sizes — from “still trying” to “checked out”

Some call it a routine. You call it survival.

The AM/PM Slippers are your new emotional support system: one embroidered with a steaming cup of ambition, the other with a wine glass of surrender. Together, they represent the duality of modern womanhood — power in the morning, chaos at night.

Soft as sin and lined with sherpa fleece, these lavender bad decisions keep your feet warm through every hangover, deadline, and delusional manifestation session. Perfect for moms, best friends, or anyone who’s ever said “I deserve this” before pouring a second glass.

Morning motivation. Evening sedation. Same slippers.

Details

• Plush fleece lining – soft enough to make you forget your to-do list
• Non-slip sole – because your balance already left hours ago
• “AM” coffee cup + “PM” wine glass embroidery for full-day dysfunction
• Machine washable – like your dignity, if only that were true
• Available in multiple sizes – because burnout is universal

Finally — a product to terrify new parents and weed out the weak.

The TikTot+ Baby Influencer Kit prank box looks disturbingly real, promising to “make your newborn the next viral sensation.” The fake packaging includes phrases like “studio strap” and “ring light for infants,” just to ensure Grandma’s blood pressure spikes before she opens it.

Hide your real gift inside, wrap it up, and enjoy the silence of pure confusion followed by the sound of betrayal. Perfect for baby showers, Christmas, or any event where you want people to question your morality.

Because love is temporary — but awkward silence is forever.

Details

• Authentic-looking retail box — printed in high-res parental panic
• Fits your real gift inside — the emotional damage is complimentary
• 100% recyclable cardboard — sustainability through deception
• No actual baby-influencing equipment included
• Reusable — once they forgive you, do it again next year

These aren’t socks.

They’re an emotional meltdown for your feet.

Each toe is an opera.

Each step is a scream.

These socks are yelling because you are too polite to.

Whether you’re walking into a staff meeting, kicking open a therapist’s door, or just limping through life one existential crisis at a time—these babies do the shouting so you don’t have to.

🧦 Double-sided faces that scream in both directions

🎤 100% cotton (so you don’t actually combust)

🫢 High-stretch guilt containment (results may vary)

💥 Height: 50cm of loud. Length: 120cm of why.

They don’t pair with outfits.

They command them.